By the way, if anyone is keeping track... Today is my 29th anniversary... (I'd be out of prison by now..) I've been divorced for 27.75 years..
For Christmas my mother sent a box of "my stuff that she found." Included were several high school mementos... and my wedding invitation. It's official... I don't feel anything about it.. Kinda wish I knew where my ex-husband is... so I could tell him.
As I realized Christmas night... They are just things, not good thing, not bad things, just things.
cause my mom included a bunch of funeral/memorial pamphlets- from my dad's family.
and I got the 7th & 8th pictures of my grandfather... He died when dad was 14....so there weren't many photos. I only saw 3 before dad died. When going through dad's things, there were 3 more... that I had never seen. In this box from mom... two more.. One developed a few months after he died... showing him & dad with a line of fish. I look like him... I look like my dad.. They're both gone. And I'm the same age my grandfather was when he died...
And because everyone should have a cry over my mom's Christmas gifts... She included a box of matches from the Windows on the World restaurant... you know... the restaurant at the top of the World Trade Center.
They're just things.. they don't carry the emotional bullshit that they would have several years ago... Pretty amazing. I didn't realize that not feeling... was a step forward.
For many years I didn't cry. Avoided feeling emotions... Later I learned to feel the sadness, and grief... I needed to work through those emotions. Now I'm comfortable.. feeling joy and love.. I'm even letting people help me.. and trying to help others..
It's been an amazing journey... but this isn't the end...
Ultimately, I gave the WTC matches to a friend who was from NY. He had great stories about going there for his high school graduation and eating at Windows on the World.
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