Some Days are tougher than others. Some days are tougher FOR others..

Today I'm off work.  I needed to burn up some time off, or lose it.  This vacation day has been planned for several months...

So much is going on... A co-worker is in the hospital... the third or fourth time this year.  My daughter is flying back home, and my mother is having a radical bilateral mastectomy.  All today.  None of this is about me.... yet I'm feeling it.

I got up and made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup.. I'm getting ready to knit a boob for my mother.   Tit Bits Pattern The year is ending... and I'm ready for a new year...

Recently I was talking with a friend, and this year her word was patience... so she was looking for a new word.  She chose joy... because the past year was so... heavy... She was off work for 4 months due to brain surgery...

After thinking about words and what I want from 2012... My word is going to be "Strong" or "Strength."  I need to work my body, my mind and my attitude to gain strength.  This past year the word was "Love." ...of all kinds... physical, emotional... gentle and rough... It was a glorious year of emotional healing.

As I sit today, typing, I can glance across the room and see my two lovers... on other laptops.. clicking away... He glances up and smiles at me.. and I feel loved.  She's curled in a fluffy white blanket... contrasting well with her dark hair and rosy cheeks.  I love my life and am grateful for the changes in the past two years...

So the coming year will be claimed for strength.. encouraging me to get stronger.. That strength will be born from days like this... when surgery, hospitalizations, and chaos create a need for a stronger person.

Fantastic weekend, new friends, and new interests

I spent the weekend with new friends at a convention. I know a little, but not much about the convention's topic. So I was able to learn a lot.. and meet some really fantastic and talented people.

Overall, it was a fun weekend... great conversations.. Now I've got a list of 45 items to Google.  I'll be busy this week.

I realized how much I changed as I sat in the room.  I don't need to hide who I am any longer... I can be open and honest with my new friends.  So try something new... chat with new friends, and be open to strangers... it's a great way to learn more about yourself.... at least, that's what I did this weekend.

On a side note, I'm getting new roommates.  Time to grow again...

New Relationship Energy (NRE) comments

I stunned my boyfriend by recently saying the NRE (New Relationship Energy) is wearing off.. He seemed surprised that I was happy with the decrease in NRE.

I like it-- too much.  I can see how people keep wanting more and more.  The NRE made me giddy, and a bit careless.  I was forgetting items on my shopping list, and forgetting to buy groceries completely.  At work, I'd get lost in daydreams about my lovers.  I felt bullet proof... I could accomplish anything, and was lost in my own life.

I don't remember the NRE the last time.. it was over 20 years ago.  This is a new feeling, and quite shocking to me.. So I'm glad it has died into a warm bed of embers.  With NRE, I didn't see any flaws in my lovers.  Recently I've seen the flaws... and still love them.

So I'm glad to get my responsible, adult life back.  The sexual energy remains, and regenerates me.  The NRE is not a major distraction.  I still tingle when we touch, I still smile when I think of my couple.  But I'm glad the responsible, logical functions are back online. I'm looking forward to the growth of ORE... you know, Old Relationship Energy.

How to have a great day at work.

Lately I've been thinking about what makes a good day at work.  I enjoy work, and generally enjoy my co-workers.  Today one co-worker was singing along with the radio... she was happy, and it seemed the day went faster because of her joy.

Another co-worker was grumbling... Her day went slowly.  Dragged along.  When she finally went home, she was run-down and cranky.  She actually complained about the happiness of our co-worker.

So I stay busy, pause for lunch, and then plow through the day.  A bit of exercise helps the day fly by also.  Meetings seem to slow down the days. Fortunately, someone is on vacation, so there is plenty of work.

I'm fortunate to have a variety of tasks, and I can plan the day myself.  Frequently I am interrupted for special meetings, tasks... but that just makes the day flow well...

I suppose if I could knit at work, it would go faster... but that wouldn't be work.

Who I was; Who I am...

When watching the royal wedding Friday, I was struck by the differences between that wedding and the one decades before of the groom's parents.

The first wedding I watched on TV, and I was planning my own wedding the following December.
This wedding I watched on my computer, and I'm dating a married couple.

The first wedding I believed in virginity and faithfulness and the sanctity of marriage in a church.

This wedding I believe in passion and fluid bonding and the church is no longer part of my life...

The first wedding I believed was like a fairy tale... they'd kiss and live happily ever after.
But from this many years, I see the reality.

This wedding...too soon to know.  However, they've got a better start- they're older, have an established relationship, they even look happy... Maybe...

At the time of the first wedding, I was living in Bloomington, Indiana, assistant managing the Howard Johnson's Restaurant.  I was "shacked up" with my fiancé... and couldn't tell anyone where I lived.  It was quite the scandal.

Now I'm living in Brooksville, FL, and have credentials, and manage a small department in a medium organization. I live by myself... and enjoy the quiet. Although my relationship with a couple could be scandalous to some people.  I haven't mentioned it to my mother...

I'm different than I was in 1981....Honestly, I'm not sure my 1981 self would recognize the current me.  I'm older- true.. but I've lost my faith... and that's okay.  I lost my innocence.. in so many ways... and that's okay.

So who will I be in 2041?  Only time will tell.. But this royal wedding was a delightful chance to time travel and reconnect with the old me.  I've come a long way.

The most dangerous person in a poly relationship.

I'm the most dangerous person in a poly relationship.... Well, any newbie is.  There are no rules, but each family/group/tribe has their own set of rules.

The "Newbie" is most likely to not know the rules.  We might reveal details that should be quiet, or fail to disclose something important.  Communication is important...and in the early relationship, over-communicating is better than under-communicating.  That's been hard for me to learn.

While poly rules vary, here are some common rules: ask before playing with someone else, no surprises, always use a condom.  Frankly, when I first started, it seemed that everyone was fair game... I could (theoretically, at least) sleep with every poly.  The reality is different.  There are poly predators who do that.  However, there are many committed polys that have multiple, long term partners.  In my area, long term can be in the 30ish year mark.  As I settle into a relationship with my couple, the rules remain reasonable.  As I watch various relationship problems, I see how important rules are.

The "Newbie" is most likely to make mistakes.  When talking after a playful bed session, my partner revealed that she was using one hand for touching her genitals, and the other hand for touching mine.  In the passion of the moment it is easy to forget which hand, throw caution to the wind.. and ... well, make a newbie mistake.  I'm grateful that I'm learning from people who love me... AND know what they are doing.  Many mistakes are made when someone isn't aware.

I've made mistakes... and I've learned... Fortunately none of the mistakes were life changing.. but there was potential for that.  Use condoms... and don't assume your partners are honest.  Seems sad to say that.. but if he refuses to wear a condom with you... he'll refuse with others...

I'm leaning.so I'm less dangerous.. to myself, to my lovers, and to my future lovers.

Some posts from Datehookup... I'm just moving them here so I won't lose them...

These were written around the time of my first poly meeting. I was learning about poly and trying to mono date.  I've learned a lot. The biggest challenge was finding intelligent people.  I need the challenge of interesting people and conversation.  






Last Saturday Night. Club 13 in Clearwater, FL
6/15/2010 9:44:14 AM

Last Saturday night I went to Club 13 in Clearwater, FL. This is the first time I've been to a group party since Parents W/O Partners in the late 80's. 

I arrived early, ate dinner. The Sunset Special was wonderful A pric fixe menu with 6 entrees, salad, 2 vegs and non-alcoholic drink for $10. Another 99 cents added a piece of keylime pie. (with a white whipped cream? topping.. good, but not what I was used to.) I got the flank steak with cheese. The steak was flavorful and well cooked. 

When I walked in at 6:00 I talked to several older ladies at the bar. Later talked to a computer nerd (who was doing some nerd work for the club). It wasn't until my third conversation, that someone from this party was around. 

I'm an early bird.. I knew I'd be leaving the party at 9:30... It started at 8. I'm still getting used to "social" time vs. "business" time. In the business world, you show up early. In the social world.. well, people were still arriving when I walked to the car at 9:30. 

This really isn't my scene. I know that. I pushed and talked to a variety of people. Got some great advice about other places to meet people. Meet up being mentioned frequently. 

Many interesting people, some from here, others were from another website. Many interesting experiences, and personalities. I'm glad I took the time to go.

Explain this to me....
 at 6/10/2010 4:00:07 PM

Am I required to respond to an e-mail? This member wrote three times before this... Three relatively vague, short e-mails. (ranging from "hi" to "what are you doing?" to "don't be rude to me, please write back." I didn't respond. (Bad experience yesterday with someone who expected too much, then turned abusive when he wanted a pic of me, and I refused... Apparently the picture issue is HUGE with guys. They want a picture, more than a hug. So I was cautious about the guy today.)

Then I get this:
"You are the rudest skank ho Ive met on here so far. No wonder you wont show a pic. I dont blame you for that, Im sure you are hideous & not many want anything more than a BJ from you , which BTW , thats why some guys like your height! Dont have to look in your nasty eyes when giving oral, you are disgusting as well as a skank! Smiles see ya. I have another screen-name on here so if you ever decide to meet someone on here, "it just might be me" , byeeeeeee."

Now that's the way to win a girl's heart. Insult her. So if I don't have a picture, AND don't respond, this kind of hateful garbage is my punishment?

And you wonder why I won't put a pic on line... Yep, I'd love to have a sweetheart like him recognizing me in the grocery store.

German-American Club of Pinellas County  at 6/8/2010 9:21:14 AM Saturday night I went down to the German-American Club of Pinellas County for a dance- complete with live band. The club is mainly older members (I was the youngest person there- at almost 50.) This would be an interesting place for a date. The music is good, the conversation lively. The cover charge is $8 for non-members. Newcomers are welcomed. Drinks and German food are available at a very reasonable price ($5.50 for a sandwich platter - enough for two, and I think my club soda was a dollar). Though it has been 30 years since my high school German classes, I was able to follow most of the conversations. The most enjoyable part was watching the couples dance. The dances were waltzes, polkas, and other traditional dances. Many of the members are native Germans, who have been in the US for a long time. Americans, like myself, born from German ancestors are welcome also. This would be a different place for a date... A place to dance with a live band for a very reasonable cover charge. This is not for everyone.. but for older daters, looking for a special place to dance, this is the spot. Plus watch for their Oktoberfest which is adding a third weekend this year... That would be a great place for a date.. in late September/October. Quiet Day after Memorial Day.  at 6/1/2010 5:21:14 PM Last week was delightful. I was able to go out to dinner with friends several times. Was able to listen to live music twice... Once was even able to get to the dance floor and enjoy some movement and music. See, I don't drink. Stopped decades ago. I can't drink, but others can. The other night I realized how it could have been, if I could handle the beer. I didn't drink, but imagine that most people in that room would have been shocked that someone was sober, other than the bartender. Heck, I've been sober longer than some of these dancers have been alive. I don't block people out if they drink in moderation. But I'm sensitive to the dangers of over drinking. That's part of my curse. I'm perceived as being judgmental...but really, I'm most strict with myself. Is there anyone out there for me? I believe there is. I believe I'll be ready for him, when he finds me. And I believe I'll meet a lot of interesting, intelligent men.