tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61803343261356906782024-03-14T03:41:03.728-07:00Unraveling the old life, and knitting the life I want.The reinvention of a woman who realizes that old lessons in relationships don't work.poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-47577095532161330162015-01-16T02:35:00.001-08:002015-01-16T02:36:01.557-08:00Relationship update.Though I'm polyamorous, I don't always have multiple partners. I've also avoided talking about my partner(s) here. It just seems...weird. <br />
<br />
My current partner and I live together for almost a year. The place is small, and perfect for one. With two, it is crowded. I've also got two cats, and my partner is a dog person. Awkward. <br />
<br />
But part of poly is enjoying the differences, and learning about other people. My partner is starting to like the cats. (but still wants a dog). Ultimately, I see us moving to a larger place. We've worked through the six month contract, have goals as individuals and as a couple. <br />
<br />
Currently, I'm facing some health problems, and have been thinking about how having multiple partners can be wonderful in this situation. About two years ago an acquaintance was battling breast cancer, and had both her husband and boyfriend for support. I watched at a distance, awed at the situation. poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-76382387171282435672014-04-29T19:30:00.002-07:002014-04-29T19:30:50.329-07:00Six month contract... <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Lucida Grande, Lucida Sans Unicode, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">After I've dated someone a while, I'll make a commitment. Not the kind most people make, but a simple, 6 month commitment.</span></span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Six months is long enough... there's stability, and comfort. We know we can make longer term plans... you know, beyond next weekend.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Of course there are bonuses.... lazy days spent in bed, touching, kissing and well, lots of touching because I love touching... I'm rather addicted to skin. --- the color, the scent, the feel of it.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">After a couple six month commitments, I'll sign on for a year. And I'm there for that period of time. We renegotiate, extend the contract...</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Or not. it has gone quiet, at a certain point, I'm not talking about my contract or commitment to you... because there isn't one.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Rather harsh? Rather practical? I know what my mother hopes I'll find....practical, dependable and forever.</span></div>
<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">But I want six months of bliss... followed by a few single year contracts... leading into a friendly break up... where we each find things we need.... in someone else. Is this model too callous? Too logical? I need something to protect me from the NRE...</span></div>
poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-86967088084718116812014-04-21T17:18:00.004-07:002014-04-21T17:18:27.782-07:00What it means when I say "I love you."What it means when I say "I love you."<br />
<br />
I say it too much... to too many people. I love you. I use it as a thank you, a hello, as a greeting, as an exclamation.<br />
<br />
and I mean it... to all those people. I genuinely want you to be happy, to know that you are loved. To feel the joy and happiness I feel in your presence.<br />
<br />
I don't want to wait until the right time to say it. Years ago I'd calculate when was the best time to utter those three words. I'd wait six months. Once a lover muttered it, and I didn't return it... I couldn't ...not until the carefully scheduled day in two months. But now I use it all the time.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I say it as reminder that there are others out there that love you....family, friends, future lovers. They can't always be here to remind you that you are important. "You are loved" seems a bit distant. --Although the ad campaign is sincere.<br />
<br />
Know now that I love you. I see your struggles, and love you anyway. You may not be my lover, but I care about you, and want you to grow, and learn and thrive. I want to be there to cheer when you succeed, in big and small ways.<br />
<br />
Does this mean I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Probably not. I love deeply, but don't own the people I love. So they grow, and go. And I'm glad, even when I'm crying.<br />
<br />
Is this what "I love you" means to you? Maybe not, but know that I love you. And I'd rather be generous with those words, to the many people who need to hear them, than to carefully dole them out at critical moments. <br />
<br />
I do love you. Maybe because of hours spent together, maybe because of years spent together. And know that I never stop loving. That's the advantage of Polyamory for me. We may not have a physical relationship anymore, but I will love you.<br />
poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-17953541673947586862014-02-03T17:35:00.000-08:002014-04-21T17:35:29.314-07:00Would you rather be right or happy?Would you rather be right or happy?<br />
<br />
This question was posed to me during couples counseling. Years later I found out that my partner decided to leave me during that session. Basically, he wanted to be right, and decided he could be right AND happy, if I wasn't around.<br />
<br />
I hope that worked for him. Communication is important. I think I know what you want, and what I've said... but it is misheard. I tell lovers to assume that I intend things to sound kind, and gentle. But sometimes that doesn't happen. <br />
<br />
Or worse, I'm trying to be gentle, and the message is lost completely. <br />
<br />
Would you rather be right or happy? I'd rather be happy. I compromised in that relationship... Did dishes his way, ran on his schedule, fixed him dinner.. but ultimately, his impression was that I always got my way. I needed that relationship to become who I am today. I don't regret it. But wish I had learned faster.<br />
<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-17349339564112837942014-01-13T17:23:00.000-08:002014-04-21T17:24:07.179-07:00Recent FB thoughts...Recently on Facebook, I've been annoyed at some friends' posts. Here are my basic problems:<br />
<br />
1. I dislike vicious political posts. The name calling, the rudeness, seem un-helpful.<br />
2. I'm not religious, and find the posts grating.<br />
3. I've reached a place where I don't need the annoyance of every random thought that pops into someone's head.<br />
<br />
<br />
Mostly my annoyance is with friends who are disabled, long term unemployed, who are voicing Conservative viewpoints (reduce taxes for the rich, decrease food stamps, increase outrage over the current president.) It would make sense if they were employed, and making 6 figure salaries... Because they are unemployed, they have a great deal of time to watch Fox News, get riled up about... whatever the current outrage is. <br />
<br />
So I've unfriended them. It seems strange. I was so excited when I found them on FB, and now. Well, I hope they live long and prosper. And hopefully find some perspective.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-11261604601839568302013-08-13T17:19:00.000-07:002014-04-21T17:20:56.426-07:00Changes....My world explodes in the next month. I'm leaving my toxic dysfunctional job for a new job. My roommate is moving out.... finally. I've got my kitchen back. I've got my garage back. <br />
<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-19079882203835538392013-06-05T04:20:00.001-07:002013-06-05T04:20:21.225-07:00So I was handed a printed e-mail, and asked to distribute it.My new administrator is old fashioned. He doesn't understand how e-mail works.<br />
<br />
Yesterday he handed me a printed e-mail which he had received, and asked me to copy and distribute to a group of employees before handing it (again) at a meeting later this month.<br />
<br />
Wow. I forget how old school someone can be with technology.<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-26555541542002768742013-04-02T04:25:00.000-07:002013-06-05T04:25:45.654-07:00So while you were insisting you were right...I'm going back and editing some random rants. I tend to write to process my feelings when I'm hurt. Otherwise I tend to yell and scream... which I know is the wrong way to treat the people I love. This was written last year... So It's no longer painful to the people involved.<br />
<br />
<br />
So while you were insisting you were right and pounding me into the ground- to prove that I am wrong. Even though you didn't listen to the question OR the answer...<br />
<br />
So while you were doing that... I was hurting. and falling out of love. You don't want side conversations... unless you are involved. You change the plans... You break agreements.<br />
<br />
Do you realize that you just hurt this relationship? Do you realize how much I resent being grilled in public? Do you realize how inappropriate you are in public places? Do you realize how loud you are? How the people you talk about can hear you? <br />
<br />
I just walk away. and now I can't. You've trapped me. I can forgive... but this is happening too often now. I can't stand this. <br />
<br />
This could be repaired.. .but you won't stop.. because you are right.. Always right. So you won't change. And suddenly I understand your previous relationship that ended when someone stopped talking to you. Why bother talking to someone who is always right, and refuses to listen.<br />
<br />
You are the center of the world. You should get your way all the time. Maybe you don't realize the people you've alienated. poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-7002753906287701302013-03-13T02:57:00.000-07:002014-04-21T17:29:21.657-07:00What now?My bedroom is a reflection of my personal life: Dirty clothes scattered on the floor; a half unpacked suitcase; a pile of promising books; and dusty sex furniture. As a friend recently asked," What happened to my life?" <br />
<br />
It was going well, then I looked up and it was a shambles. It seemed to happen overnight. -- but that's not what happened. I let a few little things slide, then a few more. Until finally, my personal life and my bedroom were too cluttered for comfort. I need to take the time and clean up the mess. Then I need to change my process, to prevent this in the future. <br />
<br />
In the midst of major personal events, I realized I miss the physical connection. To be blunt, I miss orgasms. I miss the BDSM. Feeling the kiss of the whip. I miss the bounce in my step when I've had a good evening. I miss the endorphin rush. It is like a drug.. suddenly everything seems better.. the world is brighter, the people are more tolerable. <br />
<br />
So it is time to clean up, get back into good habits. Clean up the bedroom.. then fill the bed.<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-35338703915841768782013-03-11T17:26:00.000-07:002014-04-21T17:26:51.788-07:00It doesn't matter what I mean, it matters what you want me to say.Long miserable week..Seemed like everything I said was the wrong thing. Friday I was sick, slept all day, waking long enough to read a few pages of Friday (by Heinlein)...then slept all night... Today I feel better, but still have a sore throat. Okay, I'm just feeling whiny. <br />
<br />
At work, a war has been going on. I supervise a small (3 employees + me) department. One employee has declared another her "enemy," because she "stabbed her in the back." Okay, the Hawk/ Bully isn't telling what was done that was stabbing her in the back.. Frankly, I think she's inflating the language... a lot. Seriously, this is office work.. shouldn't be that big a deal.<br />
<br />
I wrote the above over a year ago. So much changed. The Hawk/Bully.... was diabetic... with high blood pressure, and ultimately had several TIAs (trans-ischemic attacks.... mini strokes). That apparently is part of the change in personality, the tendency to be violent/rude/bullying. Ultimately, she had a major stroke, and was unable to return to work.<br />
<br />
The lessons... take care of yourself... no one else will. Also, when you've got co-workers/employees who are becoming..... weird.... look at the physical first, then psychiatric issues. <br />
<br />
The original title is appropriate. Too many times people hear what they want to hear. With Poly, (and knitting), check your work. Verify that you've heard what you've heard. Too many times we assume we know what someone wants.<br />
<br />
Recently I was reminded that I need some quiet in my life. I work in a fast paced office.... constant interactions with people wanting a variety of items/data, etc. I need some quiet time to regroup. My paramours know this. But fail to understand. So scheduling a big party isn't my thing.. I prefer alone, or just a few people..<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-90016977837534580072013-01-01T04:23:00.000-08:002013-06-05T04:23:39.725-07:002013 statusJanuary, 2013<br />
<br />
Recently someone on a dating site asked what I wanted. Here's the response I wrote, then deleted all but the first three paragraphs. It still sounds like I'll date anyone--Recently I had a bad experience. I'm still analyzing what went wrong It seemed like a simple meeting.. and suddenly he was bragging about his gun, the NRA and judging my beliefs to be "asinine." Seriously? This is the way to impress a woman? Pound her into the ground with Republican politics... then tell call her a "Liberal"-- like it is an insult. <br />
<br />
Fifteen minutes. He was only here for 15 minutes. Insulted my house, my beliefs and was asked to leave. I dated a troll.. and online troll.. for 15 years. I tell when someone just wants to start a fight. I should have asked him more questions. I don't like guns. I don't own one.. Don't like hearing people talk about them. Actually had a friend who insisted that he could change that belief. I don't like them. Why can't the gun fans just leave me alone? But no, this is when they need to "educate me." <br />
<br />
Yet when I post this I seem intolerant. My usual example was shot down by a friend. Usually, I say I don't force you to knit, why are you forcing me to listen to your hobby... which honestly scares me.<br />
<br />
<i>"I do best with intelligent, open minded people. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Age and looks don't matter. Personality and (the ever popular) sense of humor is important. Generally, I'm a happy person, but the loss of my couple, and chaos at work have worn me down. I'm looking for that endorphin rush that comes with some physical touch. I remember how glorious it feels-quite like a drug. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Ah, and there's the rub. I'm a recovering alcoholic (since 1983), and don't do drugs (okay, a mild diuretic for my high blood pressure). And here in Florida, it seems that sooo many people are caught in that trap.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"My life is complicated. I've made time for a couple coffee dates. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"I don't have time for a relationship, but I miss being touched. Or I need a work out buddy... so I can get stronger to deal with the whole dating scene. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Complicated, conflicted, tying up loose ends. Last year, everything changed, and now I just want to create some new energy, and beginnings. "</i><br />
<br />
So far, this year has proved to be less than pleasant. A bout of food poisoning, and the loss of a valued co-worker. I've recovered; she's moved to greener pastures. We'll see what the future holds. <br />
<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-58212495465564523322012-11-15T02:25:00.002-08:002012-11-15T02:25:44.408-08:00Even when you do the right thing, someone may take it the wrong way.<br />
<div id="post_message_7022470" style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly<br />
hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from<br />
an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She<br />
will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn't receive some<br />
divine intervention.<br />
<br />
The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig<br />
deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the<br />
same morning.<br />
<br />
A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another<br />
envelope. He opens it and reads: "Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars.<br />
This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short<br />
but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Post Office."<br />
<br />
Yes, it's a joke, but there's a kernel of truth. What I do, even with the best intentions, can be interpreted completely differently. </div>
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />
<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-66216207995557096942012-11-13T03:03:00.002-08:002012-11-13T03:03:58.951-08:00Introvert vs. Extrovert<span style="background-color: #f5f5ff; font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">My triad has lots of "Introvert" vs. "extrovert discussions...</span><br />
<br style="background-color: #f5f5ff; font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Our primary extrovert is now gone, but frequently cited Introvert/Extrovert as the source of conflict. Most pressing is that we were mismatched in our daily functions. I'm the Introvert and saddled with a job which requires frequent, constant contact and communication with co-workers. Meanwhile, my extrovert partner was sitting at home alone the entire day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />When I'd come home to relax and be alone, she'd be ready to go out and do things, meet people and have a good time. Because that extrovert couldn't have a good time unless there is an audience and lots of energy. The only time I was alone was during my 15 minute commute each day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'd come home exhausted to someone who wanted entertainment, and I was not enough. She didn't drive, and couldn't entertain herself. So I ended up being the bad guy... Keeping her from doing what she wanted. I prevented her from living a happy life in a larger city. Now she's gone to the city... enjoying the life she wanted, back to wild parties with lots of friends. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I've wondered if it is easier to be in a relationship similar or different personality types. My other partner is an introvert. We've got very different viewpoints, but enjoy spirited conversations. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Maybe the other relationship would have worked if our lives were reversed... She had the job with lots of people contact, and I had the quiet life at home. We'll never know. </span>poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-55142368493680775832012-10-09T17:37:00.000-07:002014-04-21T17:39:16.466-07:00What I want... and what I don't want...I'm not sure when I wrote this... With the numbers I can guess it was around the date I've attached to it. I'm glad this time of my life is over. I'm glad I'm able to ask for what I need. Communication.. It's so important.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm guessing some will be offended. Sorry.<br />
<br />
Currently, I'm between relationships. Or when I get really frustrated... I'll never have sex again.<br />
<br />
In the past 7 years, I've had sex for 1.5 years. Five years I was with someone who just drifted away from sex. It was a bit of everything: He was too depressed to have sex; He turned me down for sex several times, so I stopped asking; He was on medication that had "sexual side effects." Ultimately, we got out of the habit. Now, we had never been bunnies. In our most randy months, we'd have sex three times. <br />
<br />
So here's a list of don't want: Depressed men, Medicated men who can't perform, Men with no sense of self.<br />
<br />
I like sex. I love the lift it gives to my mood. And currently, I can't even think of someone I'd like to fuck. I recently picked up The Ethical Slut.poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-85392019949927046892012-08-22T03:36:00.000-07:002012-08-22T03:36:04.497-07:00Journaling<br />
Recently I was giving advice about dealing with a break up. This is how I deal with the current limbo... which is my relationships.<br />
<br />
Start Journaling (if you aren't already)-- write about this experience, so you can go back later and see what lessons are in it.<br />
<br />
I'm going through a Triad break up.. not as traumatic as yours, but painful. So I'm writing what went well, what went wrong. The next relationship will be different, I want to be more cautious with my heart. <br />
<br />
By writing out what's going on, I can look at it objectively later. What should I do differently next time? There's a lot to think about... and most is best left private. So I'm working to get stronger, emotionally and physically. and working to heal myself after this break up before I move on.<br />
<br />
Journaling also helps me identify WHY I feel a certain way. About a week ago I realized that it was old shame... I was quite critical of "the other woman," when I was in my 20's. Now I am that woman... In the Poly community, I might be considered a "cowgirl." Although my (remaining) partner and I are both still poly. I feel shame. Writing about this feeling helped understand why I feel this way.<br />
<br />
One thing I learned about myself...(which I'll share publicly) I don't like dating. I don't like NRE. I prefer the long-term quiet companionship of a relationship. So I tend to push a relationship into that model... perhaps before it is ready... before I've considered how well this will work for everyone. I need to date longer, learn more about people, enjoy the diversity, before settling down to a physical relationship.<br />
poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-39914836331523762452012-08-19T04:53:00.001-07:002012-08-19T06:25:29.564-07:00Being honest, and communicationI'm failing at communications. I asked for cross streets instead of asking for an address... worse I asked when I didn't have paper and pen, and about 30 minutes later than I wanted to ask. Less than an hour later I was angry, and frustrated. No responses from texts.. and I knew that I should have pushed to get the address, rather than just an intersection. <br />
<br />
So I need to improve my communication. Ask the right questions, re-ask if I don't get a useable answer. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile, everything has changed.<br />
<br />
I've lost my lovers. One has remained as a roommate, but even that is awkward and comfortable. I miss being touched, I miss being able to reach out and touch. I miss the closeness, and the joy of being with someone. <br />
<br />
When I think about it, I cry. So I avoid thinking about it.<br />
<br />
I'm seeing their flaws and what they perceive themselves to be. Are my perceptions as wrong? I think I communicate well... I don't. I've picked up bad habits of communicating in code... but not knowing if the other person understands.<br />
<br />
So life is pretty uncomfortable now. Just being honest. <br />
<br />
<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-88838430900661713992012-08-10T20:30:00.000-07:002012-08-22T03:46:58.302-07:00<br />
Recently a partner asked that I "act as if nothing is wrong" when we are around friends. However, there is a lot wrong. A month later, I broke up with her. I did as she asked for 4 or 5 social events. I couldn't do it anymore. We were snapping at each other, we were angry. I didn't compliment her when talking to others. Maybe they didn't know how deep the schism was, but they knew something was wrong.<br />
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I want others to see my relationship as wonderful. However, that has been a lie for several months. My triad is splitting, splintering.. This is happening when my professional life is at an all time low, and my energy levels are low, and the world seems to be crashing down around me. I'm getting into conversations with negative energy crackles through the air. <br />
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I need to focus on myself, build my strength, rebuild my life.poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-63702918832234204602012-08-01T03:47:00.002-07:002012-08-01T03:47:53.290-07:00What is my Agreement?Recently found out that a friend & her tribe have a 14 page agreement. So when someone wants to become part of that group, they are agreeing to.... well, lots. I didn't ask if it was double spaced. I hope it is for read-ability.<br />
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They require reading some books (Ethical Slut and something else...) Lab work for STD's, every 6 months, with documentation, meeting all the partners, four dates before physical intimacy, and a variety of other... really good suggestions. There's a lot of definition and boundaries listed. (i.e.. What is sex? What is allowed? Open mouthed kissing? What about hand/genital contact?) Their agreement makes clear very specific rules, so there is no misunderstandings later. Granted, they have been courting some inexperienced poly potentials.. so clear definitions and communication is needed.<br />
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So I started to think about my agreement. I'm part of a fluid-bonded triad. We dated for less than a year before we were fluid-bonded. We were all tested, we verified the lab results.<br />
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We don't have any of that in writing. We're a closed triad (we only are sexually intimate with each other, no outside lovers). What would we put in a written agreement? How many pages would it be 14 pages? I can imagine a contract similar to a business contract.. including how to exit the relationship. What would I put in an agreement? As my triad is discussing it, we'll tailor the agreement to how we currently operate. <br />
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This agreement should be an interesting writing assignment. Do I understand our relationship the way my partners do? And what would be other good information for an Agreement?poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-42940220598259339432012-03-10T16:46:00.001-08:002012-03-10T16:46:41.445-08:00Nuclear bomb words..Lately I've been hearing both sides of various arguments. And some seem like the verbal equivalent of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grade_inflation" target="_blank">grade inflation</a> .... Small annoyances or comments blown into huge issues. <br />
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"She stabbed me in the back..." "That dress was hideous..." <br />
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Most are said about rather mundane things.. but the words are filled with emotion. I'm especially amused/annoyed when the person assures me that their nemesis... has "literally" stabbed them in the back. Really? How many stitches did the wound take? <br />
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I've been in the middle of "she said/he said" or more accurately (but less clearly) "she said/she said." I get the perspective of two people... about the same event. There are many common themes...<br />
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"I was completely calm and reasonable, while she was yelling and throwing things." I've heard this from both sides of an argument. Both claim they were acting like adults, and reasonable... while the other person was childish, irrational, and loud. I wish I had a recorder. Even individual comments are viewed differently. One person made a statement of fact; The other heard a judgmental diatribe. One person requested time to talk; The other called her a liar. Everyone needs to be heard. But we also need to listen. <br />
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Often it is just inflection and interpretation... That person is mean to me... therefore... And anything that is said is wrong. "Oh, you're wearing a blue shirt" becomes "She's judging me. how dare she!"<br />
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Another theme...only the other person was rude. We all seem to think we are doing the right thing...or were justified in our actions.....All that righteous indignation has been exhausting lately...Many of us have bad habits.. rude habits. I catch myself interrupting ... more than I admit. <br />
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How does this tie to poly? Well, we need to be friendly to our friends... and love our lovers. It is easy to slide into bad verbal habits- Which reflect our bad mental habits. Assume the best about our friends/lovers/co-workers. They mean well. They are not out to stab you in the back... either literally or figuratively. <br />
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What another says or thinks cannot hurt you as much as the festering resentment that you keep. So stay healthy mentally. Use the Teflon coating for your skin... and keep the lines of communication open. Take it down a notch... Allow little problems to be stay little. And if necessary ask, "Gee that hurt. Did you mean to sound so sarcastic?" Many don't realize how cutting and hurtful these little atomic bomb comments are.<br />
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<br />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-6965405108622731132012-02-19T17:46:00.002-08:002012-02-19T17:46:42.085-08:00Vampires, werecreatures, Anita Blake and small printI'm trying to work through a book series that she likes (Anita Blake, Vampire Slayer, by Laurell Hamilton)... but my heart isn't in it. This latest book, is dragging on and on... The sex scenes are well written, but wow... I'm just wanting it to be over. Part of the problem is that I've tried to read a lot of this... and I have very little time to read. I just wish a friend would staple the sex scene pages and I'd just read the detective story. <br />
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I'm not sure if I'm going to read the next book. This last one was annoyingly long, with tiny print... (732 pages) Maybe my eyes are weak enough that I need the large print edition. --I"ve got the pad... so I could get the book and make the font any size I want. I still may do that... The earlier books are trilogies when electronic. <br />
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<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-15050413159214421112012-02-19T17:45:00.000-08:002012-02-19T17:45:53.182-08:00Downside of PolyCurrently, I'm overwhelmed. Work is stressful, my health is faltering, and suddenly I miss those 'lost weekends'- when I could curl up with a book, and ignore the world. When people are ALWAYS around, it is impossible to enjoy any alone time. Recently I realized that my only time alone is in the car on my way to work. I talk to the steering wheel too much. I know I'm getting stressed. <br />
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My girlfriend is insisting I sort through the boxes in the garage... Papers that I don't want to deal with... My father's papers, my sister's papers... lots of loss.. lots of emotions.. lots that I would rather leave in boxes in the garage. <br />
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I downsized in 2008 before I moved to Florida... So I don't feel compelled to change any of these boxes. Meanwhile, being helpful, my partner is insisting that I buy plastic tubs to store this stuff.. I've left the house twice today. I miss the down time. I had to get out. I felt incredibly annoyed that I couldn't just be left alone. I have to be entertaining her, cleaning the garage because she's decided it needs to be done. <br />
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I'm going to let her know that all my stuff stays. I'll need to cover some boxes.... that's what's really bothering her... they are not stacked efficiently. This is my house... and my very first garage (I'm 51 years old.. my first garage.... ) We're not talking about a huge number of boxes... less than 20. I"m getting criticized about being overly emotional.. and being too tied into celebrity lives... I'm just tired of justifying myself. I should be allowed to like something... whether others do or not. I'm just really frustrated with everything right now. <br />
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We were watching Glee... the Michael Jackson episode... she doesn't understand how I feel about MJ. It's complicated.... I remember watching him grow up.. with me... we were only a few months apart in age. I watched the trials.. watched the crazy surgeries... the divorces, the kids.. the music over the years. My stepsister (who is about 10 years younger than I) thought she had discovered him during the 80's. And I related to Glee far too much... Watching the kids get acceptance letters... I didn't get to go to college when I graduated from HS. No one bothered to fill out the Financial Aid Form until my sister wanted to go to college a year later. Many regrets, many resentments, many young love mistakes...<br />
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I'm not communicating well.. I know that. But everything has been at critical mass for about 4 weeks. I'm just exhausted. (not being able to take a vacation at work is part of the problem...)<br />
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Breathe in, breathe out. It's Sunday night.. so much to do this week.poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-77460601164904404912011-12-29T07:43:00.000-08:002011-12-29T07:43:48.822-08:00Some Days are tougher than others. Some days are tougher FOR others..Today I'm off work. I needed to burn up some time off, or lose it. This vacation day has been planned for several months...<br />
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So much is going on... A co-worker is in the hospital... the third or fourth time this year. My daughter is flying back home, and my mother is having a radical bilateral mastectomy. All today. None of this is about me.... yet I'm feeling it. <br />
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I got up and made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup.. I'm getting ready to knit a boob for my mother. <a href="http://knitty.com/ISSUEfall05/PATTbits.html" target="_blank">Tit Bits Pattern</a> The year is ending... and I'm ready for a new year...<br />
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Recently I was talking with a friend, and this year her word was patience... so she was looking for a new word. She chose joy... because the past year was so... heavy... She was off work for 4 months due to brain surgery...<br />
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After thinking about words and what I want from 2012... My word is going to be "Strong" or "Strength." I need to work my body, my mind and my attitude to gain strength. This past year the word was "Love." ...of all kinds... physical, emotional... gentle and rough... It was a glorious year of emotional healing. <br />
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As I sit today, typing, I can glance across the room and see my two lovers... on other laptops.. clicking away... He glances up and smiles at me.. and I feel loved. She's curled in a fluffy white blanket... contrasting well with her dark hair and rosy cheeks. I love my life and am grateful for the changes in the past two years...<br />
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So the coming year will be claimed for strength.. encouraging me to get stronger.. That strength will be born from days like this... when surgery, hospitalizations, and chaos create a need for a stronger person.poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0Spring Hill, FL, USA28.4831682 -82.536987228.4330432 -82.6276482 28.533293200000003 -82.4463262tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-82663946664000240992011-07-19T17:38:00.000-07:002011-07-19T17:38:22.438-07:00Fantastic weekend, new friends, and new interestsI spent the weekend with new friends at a convention. I know a little, but not much about the convention's topic. So I was able to learn a lot.. and meet some really fantastic and talented people. <br />
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Overall, it was a fun weekend... great conversations.. Now I've got a list of 45 items to Google. I'll be busy this week.<br />
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I realized how much I changed as I sat in the room. I don't need to hide who I am any longer... I can be open and honest with my new friends. So try something new... chat with new friends, and be open to strangers... it's a great way to learn more about yourself.... at least, that's what I did this weekend.<br />
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On a side note, I'm getting new roommates. Time to grow again...poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-16245903513149510482011-07-10T04:05:00.000-07:002011-07-10T06:32:07.894-07:00New Relationship Energy (NRE) commentsI stunned my boyfriend by recently saying the NRE (New Relationship Energy) is wearing off.. He seemed surprised that I was happy with the decrease in NRE. <br />
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I like it-- too much. I can see how people keep wanting more and more. The NRE made me giddy, and a bit careless. I was forgetting items on my shopping list, and forgetting to buy groceries completely. At work, I'd get lost in daydreams about my lovers. I felt bullet proof... I could accomplish anything, and was lost in my own life.<br />
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I don't remember the NRE the last time.. it was over 20 years ago. This is a new feeling, and quite shocking to me.. So I'm glad it has died into a warm bed of embers. With NRE, I didn't see any flaws in my lovers. Recently I've seen the flaws... and still love them.<br />
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So I'm glad to get my responsible, adult life back. The sexual energy remains, and regenerates me. The NRE is not a major distraction. I still tingle when we touch, I still smile when I think of my couple. But I'm glad the responsible, logical functions are back online. I'm looking forward to the growth of ORE... you know, Old Relationship Energy.poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6180334326135690678.post-18617174909560938722011-06-14T18:42:00.000-07:002011-06-14T18:42:14.829-07:00How to have a great day at work.Lately I've been thinking about what makes a good day at work. I enjoy work, and generally enjoy my co-workers. Today one co-worker was singing along with the radio... she was happy, and it seemed the day went faster because of her joy.<br />
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Another co-worker was grumbling... Her day went slowly. Dragged along. When she finally went home, she was run-down and cranky. She actually complained about the happiness of our co-worker.<br />
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So I stay busy, pause for lunch, and then plow through the day. A bit of exercise helps the day fly by also. Meetings seem to slow down the days. Fortunately, someone is on vacation, so there is plenty of work.<br />
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I'm fortunate to have a variety of tasks, and I can plan the day myself. Frequently I am interrupted for special meetings, tasks... but that just makes the day flow well...<br />
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I suppose if I could knit at work, it would go faster... but that wouldn't be work.poly yarn lovehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002178123411323335noreply@blogger.com0