Some Days are tougher than others. Some days are tougher FOR others..

Today I'm off work.  I needed to burn up some time off, or lose it.  This vacation day has been planned for several months...

So much is going on... A co-worker is in the hospital... the third or fourth time this year.  My daughter is flying back home, and my mother is having a radical bilateral mastectomy.  All today.  None of this is about me.... yet I'm feeling it.

I got up and made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup.. I'm getting ready to knit a boob for my mother.   Tit Bits Pattern The year is ending... and I'm ready for a new year...

Recently I was talking with a friend, and this year her word was patience... so she was looking for a new word.  She chose joy... because the past year was so... heavy... She was off work for 4 months due to brain surgery...

After thinking about words and what I want from 2012... My word is going to be "Strong" or "Strength."  I need to work my body, my mind and my attitude to gain strength.  This past year the word was "Love." ...of all kinds... physical, emotional... gentle and rough... It was a glorious year of emotional healing.

As I sit today, typing, I can glance across the room and see my two lovers... on other laptops.. clicking away... He glances up and smiles at me.. and I feel loved.  She's curled in a fluffy white blanket... contrasting well with her dark hair and rosy cheeks.  I love my life and am grateful for the changes in the past two years...

So the coming year will be claimed for strength.. encouraging me to get stronger.. That strength will be born from days like this... when surgery, hospitalizations, and chaos create a need for a stronger person.

Fantastic weekend, new friends, and new interests

I spent the weekend with new friends at a convention. I know a little, but not much about the convention's topic. So I was able to learn a lot.. and meet some really fantastic and talented people.

Overall, it was a fun weekend... great conversations.. Now I've got a list of 45 items to Google.  I'll be busy this week.

I realized how much I changed as I sat in the room.  I don't need to hide who I am any longer... I can be open and honest with my new friends.  So try something new... chat with new friends, and be open to strangers... it's a great way to learn more about yourself.... at least, that's what I did this weekend.

On a side note, I'm getting new roommates.  Time to grow again...

New Relationship Energy (NRE) comments

I stunned my boyfriend by recently saying the NRE (New Relationship Energy) is wearing off.. He seemed surprised that I was happy with the decrease in NRE.

I like it-- too much.  I can see how people keep wanting more and more.  The NRE made me giddy, and a bit careless.  I was forgetting items on my shopping list, and forgetting to buy groceries completely.  At work, I'd get lost in daydreams about my lovers.  I felt bullet proof... I could accomplish anything, and was lost in my own life.

I don't remember the NRE the last time.. it was over 20 years ago.  This is a new feeling, and quite shocking to me.. So I'm glad it has died into a warm bed of embers.  With NRE, I didn't see any flaws in my lovers.  Recently I've seen the flaws... and still love them.

So I'm glad to get my responsible, adult life back.  The sexual energy remains, and regenerates me.  The NRE is not a major distraction.  I still tingle when we touch, I still smile when I think of my couple.  But I'm glad the responsible, logical functions are back online. I'm looking forward to the growth of ORE... you know, Old Relationship Energy.

How to have a great day at work.

Lately I've been thinking about what makes a good day at work.  I enjoy work, and generally enjoy my co-workers.  Today one co-worker was singing along with the radio... she was happy, and it seemed the day went faster because of her joy.

Another co-worker was grumbling... Her day went slowly.  Dragged along.  When she finally went home, she was run-down and cranky.  She actually complained about the happiness of our co-worker.

So I stay busy, pause for lunch, and then plow through the day.  A bit of exercise helps the day fly by also.  Meetings seem to slow down the days. Fortunately, someone is on vacation, so there is plenty of work.

I'm fortunate to have a variety of tasks, and I can plan the day myself.  Frequently I am interrupted for special meetings, tasks... but that just makes the day flow well...

I suppose if I could knit at work, it would go faster... but that wouldn't be work.

Who I was; Who I am...

When watching the royal wedding Friday, I was struck by the differences between that wedding and the one decades before of the groom's parents.

The first wedding I watched on TV, and I was planning my own wedding the following December.
This wedding I watched on my computer, and I'm dating a married couple.

The first wedding I believed in virginity and faithfulness and the sanctity of marriage in a church.

This wedding I believe in passion and fluid bonding and the church is no longer part of my life...

The first wedding I believed was like a fairy tale... they'd kiss and live happily ever after.
But from this many years, I see the reality.

This wedding...too soon to know.  However, they've got a better start- they're older, have an established relationship, they even look happy... Maybe...

At the time of the first wedding, I was living in Bloomington, Indiana, assistant managing the Howard Johnson's Restaurant.  I was "shacked up" with my fiancé... and couldn't tell anyone where I lived.  It was quite the scandal.

Now I'm living in Brooksville, FL, and have credentials, and manage a small department in a medium organization. I live by myself... and enjoy the quiet. Although my relationship with a couple could be scandalous to some people.  I haven't mentioned it to my mother...

I'm different than I was in 1981....Honestly, I'm not sure my 1981 self would recognize the current me.  I'm older- true.. but I've lost my faith... and that's okay.  I lost my innocence.. in so many ways... and that's okay.

So who will I be in 2041?  Only time will tell.. But this royal wedding was a delightful chance to time travel and reconnect with the old me.  I've come a long way.

The most dangerous person in a poly relationship.

I'm the most dangerous person in a poly relationship.... Well, any newbie is.  There are no rules, but each family/group/tribe has their own set of rules.

The "Newbie" is most likely to not know the rules.  We might reveal details that should be quiet, or fail to disclose something important.  Communication is important...and in the early relationship, over-communicating is better than under-communicating.  That's been hard for me to learn.

While poly rules vary, here are some common rules: ask before playing with someone else, no surprises, always use a condom.  Frankly, when I first started, it seemed that everyone was fair game... I could (theoretically, at least) sleep with every poly.  The reality is different.  There are poly predators who do that.  However, there are many committed polys that have multiple, long term partners.  In my area, long term can be in the 30ish year mark.  As I settle into a relationship with my couple, the rules remain reasonable.  As I watch various relationship problems, I see how important rules are.

The "Newbie" is most likely to make mistakes.  When talking after a playful bed session, my partner revealed that she was using one hand for touching her genitals, and the other hand for touching mine.  In the passion of the moment it is easy to forget which hand, throw caution to the wind.. and ... well, make a newbie mistake.  I'm grateful that I'm learning from people who love me... AND know what they are doing.  Many mistakes are made when someone isn't aware.

I've made mistakes... and I've learned... Fortunately none of the mistakes were life changing.. but there was potential for that.  Use condoms... and don't assume your partners are honest.  Seems sad to say that.. but if he refuses to wear a condom with you... he'll refuse with others...

I'm leaning.so I'm less dangerous.. to myself, to my lovers, and to my future lovers.

Some posts from Datehookup... I'm just moving them here so I won't lose them...

These were written around the time of my first poly meeting. I was learning about poly and trying to mono date.  I've learned a lot. The biggest challenge was finding intelligent people.  I need the challenge of interesting people and conversation.  






Last Saturday Night. Club 13 in Clearwater, FL
6/15/2010 9:44:14 AM

Last Saturday night I went to Club 13 in Clearwater, FL. This is the first time I've been to a group party since Parents W/O Partners in the late 80's. 

I arrived early, ate dinner. The Sunset Special was wonderful A pric fixe menu with 6 entrees, salad, 2 vegs and non-alcoholic drink for $10. Another 99 cents added a piece of keylime pie. (with a white whipped cream? topping.. good, but not what I was used to.) I got the flank steak with cheese. The steak was flavorful and well cooked. 

When I walked in at 6:00 I talked to several older ladies at the bar. Later talked to a computer nerd (who was doing some nerd work for the club). It wasn't until my third conversation, that someone from this party was around. 

I'm an early bird.. I knew I'd be leaving the party at 9:30... It started at 8. I'm still getting used to "social" time vs. "business" time. In the business world, you show up early. In the social world.. well, people were still arriving when I walked to the car at 9:30. 

This really isn't my scene. I know that. I pushed and talked to a variety of people. Got some great advice about other places to meet people. Meet up being mentioned frequently. 

Many interesting people, some from here, others were from another website. Many interesting experiences, and personalities. I'm glad I took the time to go.

Explain this to me....
 at 6/10/2010 4:00:07 PM

Am I required to respond to an e-mail? This member wrote three times before this... Three relatively vague, short e-mails. (ranging from "hi" to "what are you doing?" to "don't be rude to me, please write back." I didn't respond. (Bad experience yesterday with someone who expected too much, then turned abusive when he wanted a pic of me, and I refused... Apparently the picture issue is HUGE with guys. They want a picture, more than a hug. So I was cautious about the guy today.)

Then I get this:
"You are the rudest skank ho Ive met on here so far. No wonder you wont show a pic. I dont blame you for that, Im sure you are hideous & not many want anything more than a BJ from you , which BTW , thats why some guys like your height! Dont have to look in your nasty eyes when giving oral, you are disgusting as well as a skank! Smiles see ya. I have another screen-name on here so if you ever decide to meet someone on here, "it just might be me" , byeeeeeee."

Now that's the way to win a girl's heart. Insult her. So if I don't have a picture, AND don't respond, this kind of hateful garbage is my punishment?

And you wonder why I won't put a pic on line... Yep, I'd love to have a sweetheart like him recognizing me in the grocery store.

German-American Club of Pinellas County  at 6/8/2010 9:21:14 AM Saturday night I went down to the German-American Club of Pinellas County for a dance- complete with live band. The club is mainly older members (I was the youngest person there- at almost 50.) This would be an interesting place for a date. The music is good, the conversation lively. The cover charge is $8 for non-members. Newcomers are welcomed. Drinks and German food are available at a very reasonable price ($5.50 for a sandwich platter - enough for two, and I think my club soda was a dollar). Though it has been 30 years since my high school German classes, I was able to follow most of the conversations. The most enjoyable part was watching the couples dance. The dances were waltzes, polkas, and other traditional dances. Many of the members are native Germans, who have been in the US for a long time. Americans, like myself, born from German ancestors are welcome also. This would be a different place for a date... A place to dance with a live band for a very reasonable cover charge. This is not for everyone.. but for older daters, looking for a special place to dance, this is the spot. Plus watch for their Oktoberfest which is adding a third weekend this year... That would be a great place for a date.. in late September/October. Quiet Day after Memorial Day.  at 6/1/2010 5:21:14 PM Last week was delightful. I was able to go out to dinner with friends several times. Was able to listen to live music twice... Once was even able to get to the dance floor and enjoy some movement and music. See, I don't drink. Stopped decades ago. I can't drink, but others can. The other night I realized how it could have been, if I could handle the beer. I didn't drink, but imagine that most people in that room would have been shocked that someone was sober, other than the bartender. Heck, I've been sober longer than some of these dancers have been alive. I don't block people out if they drink in moderation. But I'm sensitive to the dangers of over drinking. That's part of my curse. I'm perceived as being judgmental...but really, I'm most strict with myself. Is there anyone out there for me? I believe there is. I believe I'll be ready for him, when he finds me. And I believe I'll meet a lot of interesting, intelligent men.

Busy month, slow afternoon.

I'm sitting at Panera... killing time.  This month, I am moving.  Yep, procrastination strikes again. 

I need to pack the stuff at my boarding house, and move to a new place, and buy enough food/kitchen gear that I don't starve.  Then I'm looking for furniture.  I've still got a couple bookcases from Ikea, and some family heirlooms.  Ironically, I've got a hope chest.  Please don't laugh.  

Last week I learned to be careful about whom I share my furniture search.  I don't mind used furniture.  I love antiques.. and sadly, also like the Ikea furniture... So, like my eating habits, I've got a very wide range of acceptable.  However, some items won't fit well with others.  So I started asking people to watch out for furniture, and then started getting offers ... with strings attached, with strange paint, with repairs that were needed.  I'd rather wait for the right piece.... and frankly, with all the yard sales, and people moving, I expect it will be easy to find what I want.. I just need to know what I want. 

And I've got a few items I'd LOVE to have.. practical items.. like a sofa bed, or a chair and a half.. that folds into a bed.  I want people to visit.. and now, that is just barely a fantasy.

In two weeks.. well, I'll be able to play and laugh and cook in my own kitchen.  Now I've tried convincing others that I don't cook.  And that is partially true.  I certainly don't want to go head to head in a cooking contest with the pros that I know... 

In two weeks, I'll own flour, and cookie sheets and heck, even a wastebasket or two.

This will be a busy month. 

This afternoon, however, is quiet.  My weekend finished early.  And the roommate might still be 'entertaining' at the house.  So I've crashed at Panera... caught up on the e-mails, read all the Facebook walls, and scrolled through several forums.  

Yep, this is what a boring afternoon looks like  And later I'll be doing laundry.  Life can't always be interesting... but I'm still smiling about the quiet conversations, and shared times in the past few weeks.  

Poly... more than sex.. more than a fantasy.  And I'm the unicorn... you know, a magical animal that makes everyone happy, that's hard to find, but a miracle and joy.  When I was a teenager, I collected unicorns. (okay, every third teen female in the 70's collected unicorns... or Pegasus...)   I still have a few.. mostly jewelry that didn't get tossed when I became embarrassed that I wasn't a virgin.  

So here's the irony... I've lost/discarded everything, and found happiness.  I've finally let go of the illusion of love, and found real affection.  No guarantees... I enjoy today, and don't make promises for the future.  That's partially due to some physical problems... which prevent absolute plans... I've released the illusion of forever love, and now have found the perfect love for today. 

So we live small, simple lives... and enjoy every moment.  What more could I want?  This is my gratitude list for this slow afternoon... in the midst of a busy month filled with changes.  

I've got a secret...

I love that time when I know something.. and no one else does.  There are big changes in my life, I've taken the next step, I'm making progress.


This was what it felt like during those moments when I knew I had a job... and hadn't told anyone... just walked around with a smile. Three people know.... so far.  I'll be telling others -- in time.  


My life is progressing as it should.  It feels like I'm back on track.  Now I realize part of that feeling is from the old belief system... G-d has a perfect plan for my life... I just need to figure out what it is, and follow His directions... Only I never really knew what was the right thing, and what was a mistake.  I suppose my daughter is a mistake... She certainly wasn't planned... but has proven to be the most wonderful thing in my life.  


So now that I don't have a predetermined plan... from G-d, the Universe, or an author... If there are no lines, how can I color outside of them?  


So there are big, anticipated changes in my life... my personal horoscope should read, "Expect big changes from the 15th to the 31st.  Your new surroundings should be decorated to suit your personality." 


So I've got a secret, and now have half a dozen lists... filled with even more details... 


Life is good.

James G-... Rest in Peace

My marriage seems like a bad piece of fiction, half forgotten due to better written, more recent works.  Matt and I married in December, 1981... Yep, it was a long time ago.  At the time, his parents objected to the marriage.  We were too young.  They didn't know me, and quite frankly, didn't like what they knew about me. I drank too much; I knew too much about drugs.

James G- was my father in law for a little over a year.  He and I started badly.  Matt was his youngest son, sickly as a child, and spoiled as a teenager.  I was obviously a bad influence, since Matt was head over heels in love. 

They first realized I existed when Matt announced we were engaged...At the time, he was in the hospital for pneumonia.  I was visiting, and his mother couldn't understand why a friend would drive from Indianapolis in a snowstorm to visit. She was also probably annoyed that I was tiring him... when he should be healing.  She was right.  I shouldn't have come.  Ah, young, foolish love. 

Then there was the time my parents drove to Bloomington from Carmel to pick me up.  They were unhappy that I couldn't find someone going all the way to Indianapolis.  Matt and I planned it so our parents could meet.  Though we didn't tell them that was the plan.. Awkward.  I created a lot of the craziness in that life.

Mr. G-, I never could bring myself to call him Jim. was unhappy that I kept my maiden name, equally unhappy when I hyphenated the names.  At the end of the first year of marriage, it was on the rocks at the time, I conceded.. changing my name to his.

After less than a year, Matt and I separated.. I couldn't afford to support him anymore.. I could barely support myself.  We agreed we'd get back together.  Maybe we believed that. 

Then there was the phone call... Matt said, "My dad wants a divorce." 

and I replied, "What does your Mom say?"

"She agrees."

My parents had divorced the previous year, so I offered comfort.."That's hard. but my parents seem to be doing well with their divorce. So hopefully yours will be happy with theirs."

"No- they want us to get divorced."

"I didn't marry your father.  Why is HE asking me for a divorce?"

Eventually Mr. G- paid for the divorce, that was 28 years ago.  I hated it.  Understood why he was doing it.  There were probably legal issues I didn't understand then (we were breaking a lease, had minimal assets,)  If only... more time, more money, more something could have fixed that great romance.

In time, I grew used to the idea of being divorced at 23.  and life went on-  After a few years, there were others my age who were divorced.  

Last week I found his obituary.  He was an interesting man- a high ranking administrator, with a gift of saying the right thing when a camera was shoved in his face during tragic moments.  I remember him doing a local news spot when a university student was killed.

So I was Googling, and wondered about Mr. G-. He died last year. Matt wrote the obituary.  His daughter who wanted to be doctor is now a vet.  And I'm wishing I could sit down with him and tell him thank you.  

Thank you, and you were right, we were too young, I did drink too much.. and well, thank you.  For catching Matt when I couldn't hold him anymore... and for the tough love that I needed.  Thank you for paying for the divorce.  That gave me options and freedoms that I didn't appreciate.  

Friendship... what it is... what it isn't.

Blow up on Valentine's Day with my work out buddy. She has been expecting a lot from a relatively new relationship.   She's an acquaintance who thinks she's a BFF. Our perspectives on the relationship are very different.

My longest term friendship dates back to 5th or 6th grade. Time isn't the only factor in friendship.. but it is important.  A friendship deepens as time goes on.  Knowing the entire history.. of the marriages, the children, the jobs.. it's important for a deeper understanding.  Long conversations don't replace short weekly/daily exchanges over years.

Another factor is common activities/interests.  I've got many online friends who have become dear to me because of their knitting or eBay selling or poly household.  Sometimes a single interest can bloom into a beautiful friendship... given time and space.

I had known this acquaintance for several months.  She thought we were friends.. and perhaps we could have been.  However, on Valentine's Day, she had a melt down over Yahoo chat.  She called me a liar, and well, I've been there before.  The truth comes out... but too little and too late.  Invariably, the broken trust is difficult to regain.  And with this relationship, there was no reason for me to save it.

 Lately, the difference in how people perceive a relationship had cropped up as a topic in several diverse places.  Invariably, it is that there's a difference in definition or understanding.

Friendship requires a give and take..Speaking and listening.  Whenever the conversation becomes a monologue, it is time to re-evaluation the relationship.  I'm willing to listen for a long time.  Many people need to talk through difficult situations.  I have a talent for asking questions... and making people think about other options.

Thank you for reading this... I needed to write it.  I've deleted a lot of info that I needed to write for myself.
 

Patience, Hell, I'm gonna kill something..

Somedays I feel this way... I want everything, and I want it now.

I've also done this... screwing up a possible good thing by rushing it... either by forcing an issue that needs time, or by saying the wrong thing.

Too esoteric, eh?  Right now, I'm in a "transition" phase.  I've cleared most of the wreckage from my previous relationship away.  There's a nice clean area to build.  I'm working on the foundation.  But today I'm wishing for what I can't have.  I want to see the future.. I want to be ten years into a long term relationship.

So I need to pull myself into today... enjoy the moment.. and realize that time takes time.  When searching for the above graphic...this quote popped up:  "Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting."

Yep, I'm going to have to wait, I just need to practice a good attitude.  Okay, now time to face real life..

Poly book... outline.. the seed of what may be..

I started outlining a story... might be a book---fiction about a poly family.  I've dabbled in writing erotica- for myself.  Don't know that the two would go together well... I'm experimenting.  It would be nice to have a book with good information.. without preaching.

On the other hand, a romance is simple... two characters..a complication, a passionate embrace, a happy ending.  And a poly story would be more complex... three/four characters.. no, an entire party of characters.. because polys tend to be social... and have lovers, confidants, co-workers, and meetings.  After 8 months, I'm just starting to see the connections, and levels of friendship.

But more complex/challenging is the communication needed for a true poly relationship.  Charting the emotional and physical care of a relationship.  It's intense in real life, can I bring that passion and drama to the page?

Even outlining the characters.. I find a few minor characters demanding attention.  How can I have a poly community without a man-whore?  and a predator is required.  Heck, sometimes they are the same person.  And just like a swinger can slide into a poly relationship, perhaps a man-whore can become a polyfidelous member of a tribe.

If I set this slightly in the future, I can assume that poly is a more accepted form than it currently is.  Because I believe this is a way to provide family for those who've got small families, or who've distanced themselves from their families.  This also provides a use for those McMansions that have been abandoned due to the housing crash.

And as an added fantasy.. I know the fantasy wishlists of polys... poly couples want a unicorn or another couple...a single poly man wants a harem.   I know that has special challenges.  So I can provide a fiction hunt for that unicorn.  And show that unicorns can be found in unlikely places.

Advice for someone just starting in the poly/BDSM lifestyle.

In the last couple weeks, I've been meeting people who are new to these lifestyles.  And I've been thinking about the lessons I've learned...

Now I realize that most will chose to learn through trial and error... as I did..  But I enjoy thinking about what I've learned.

In no particular order:

Women hold a great deal of power in these lifestyles.  We are a scarce commodity, and get respect.

The same problems I had in RL, I have in my play life.

You can't take a secret back... be careful what you say, and where you say it.  Realize that most people don't realize what is secret, and how damaging the secret can be.  Or as the Russian proverb says, "Two men can keep a secret if one is dead."

Sometimes I went too far... forgot my boundary, and learned a great deal about myself.  After that I knew where I was comfortable.  Those aren't really mistakes.. unless I fail to learn from them.

Sex is an amazing powerful force.  Be careful.  Do not accidentally "fall in love."  Don't confuse sex and love.  Like coffee and tea.. they may seem similar.. but are very different in origin, purpose and effect.

There's always  a "new shiny" in the area...

Learn to love yourself.  Listen to all opinions... but you don't have to agree with all.  Learn from everyone, even those who know very little.  Protect yourself. Gauge the experience and intent of your playmates.

Play and watch play in public, before you do private scenes.  Ask for a friend to watch over you.  (appoint as "safety officer."  Learn.. about diseases, transmission, Johnson's Baby Shampoo.. etc.

Use protection.  You're not just protecting yourself... but your current partners... and people you don't know.. yet.. but will love... in the future.

The biggest surprise.. and I think I've written about this.. is the shift from "goal oriented" sex .. that is, making sure my partner has an orgasm... to a more general... touching and doing things that feel good... yes, there are O's along the way... but there's no purpose.  I guess a good analogy would be a trip to the mailbox vs. a trail hike in the state park.

No surprises.  I'm learning how nice it is to have no surprises, to communicate..

And there are zillions of kinds of different kink.  I don't have to enjoy all of them... just enough to have fun..

NEVER say you have no hard limits.. everyone has a hard limit.. even if it is that they don't want to go to jail for doing XYZ.  It's okay to not like a fetish.  but remember to love the people..

I'll think of more later.

Serious questions... no good answers.

Why are you here?  
Why do you want to be involved with us at this time?  
What are your intentions?  
Are you going to hurt us?

I've been asked these questions.  My mind has rolled through answers, discussion, philosophy.  And I don't have answers to any of them.

Okay, I have an answer to the last question.  Yes... I am statistically likely to hurt you.  The odds of "happily ever after" are so darn slim... I can guarantee someone's heart will be broken.  But I'd like to enjoy the next 6 days, 6 months, 6 years... or 60 years before that happens.  Are you willing to enjoy the pleasure, knowing that ultimately there will be pain?

My last long term relationship fizzled out.  He stopped touching me, I stopped asking to be touched.. We drifted apart.  I took too long to realize it was over.  I took too long to start looking.  And that's a pattern.  I tend to stay emotionally involved, long after my partner has checked out.  Does this change with poly?  With communication being better... at least I'll KNOW the relationship is over.

What are my intentions?
I want to explore, do things I've never done, build a relationship, learn to trust again.  And those are both selfish and non-selfish.  What are my plans for the relationship?  I don't know.  I don't think planning works for relationships... at least not where I am.  Once upon a time, it worked for me.... I planned the white wedding, and the house with a picket fence.  I'd be the computer programmer at a small Christian College, while my husband was Director of Food Services.  Maybe in time, plans will seem appropriate.  Now I just want to explore the NRE.

Why do you want to be involved with us at this time?  

It would be easier if I scheduled love-- maybe like an appointment.  With a place, person and date/time safely noted in my planner..  So I could arrive properly briefed and prepared.  There's never a good time to fall in "like."  There's never a bad time to fall in "like."  And I'm still not ready to say love. 

Why are you here?  

Why not?

See- answers, but not good ones.  These questions deserve better answers.  So I'm working on better answers... for myself... for others.  

Baggage

Baggage... what does it mean to you?

Jul. 1, 2010

After reading quite a few complaints about others on dating websites, I realized that Baggage means different things to different people.  More bluntly, my baggage is always small (carryon, maybe a backpack) and other's baggage is large (a steamer trunk, or matching Louis Vuitton bags in various sizes from extremely large to medium size.)

I'm 50.  A nice round number.  By this age, everyone has some baggage.  A bad marriage, children, bankruptcy, career mis-steps, addictions, jail terms, Something.  Heck, at this age, if someone has NOT been married, they require an explanation. 

So what should be disclosed up front?  There isn't a comprehensive list.  What I consider shocking, another person might consider tame, and vice versa.  You like to be spanked? Yawn.  You dated a registered Sex Offender?  Whoa... there's a deal breaker... your judgement must be questionable. 

So I'm thinking about baggage today... Wondering what interesting items will be in the baggage of my future friends.  What aches and pains made them the special person that I love.  How they became who they are... Hoping that my baggage has cleared security, so I can clutch it, when I meet the next few friends.

One person's handbag, is another's steamer trunk.