Serious questions... no good answers.

Why are you here?  
Why do you want to be involved with us at this time?  
What are your intentions?  
Are you going to hurt us?

I've been asked these questions.  My mind has rolled through answers, discussion, philosophy.  And I don't have answers to any of them.

Okay, I have an answer to the last question.  Yes... I am statistically likely to hurt you.  The odds of "happily ever after" are so darn slim... I can guarantee someone's heart will be broken.  But I'd like to enjoy the next 6 days, 6 months, 6 years... or 60 years before that happens.  Are you willing to enjoy the pleasure, knowing that ultimately there will be pain?

My last long term relationship fizzled out.  He stopped touching me, I stopped asking to be touched.. We drifted apart.  I took too long to realize it was over.  I took too long to start looking.  And that's a pattern.  I tend to stay emotionally involved, long after my partner has checked out.  Does this change with poly?  With communication being better... at least I'll KNOW the relationship is over.

What are my intentions?
I want to explore, do things I've never done, build a relationship, learn to trust again.  And those are both selfish and non-selfish.  What are my plans for the relationship?  I don't know.  I don't think planning works for relationships... at least not where I am.  Once upon a time, it worked for me.... I planned the white wedding, and the house with a picket fence.  I'd be the computer programmer at a small Christian College, while my husband was Director of Food Services.  Maybe in time, plans will seem appropriate.  Now I just want to explore the NRE.

Why do you want to be involved with us at this time?  

It would be easier if I scheduled love-- maybe like an appointment.  With a place, person and date/time safely noted in my planner..  So I could arrive properly briefed and prepared.  There's never a good time to fall in "like."  There's never a bad time to fall in "like."  And I'm still not ready to say love. 

Why are you here?  

Why not?

See- answers, but not good ones.  These questions deserve better answers.  So I'm working on better answers... for myself... for others.