My writings... and how I've found a new life-- not in the ashes of the old life-- but in eyes and hearts of new friends, new lovers and new places.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Who I was; Who I am...

When watching the royal wedding Friday, I was struck by the differences between that wedding and the one decades before of the groom's parents.

The first wedding I watched on TV, and I was planning my own wedding the following December.
This wedding I watched on my computer, and I'm dating a married couple.

The first wedding I believed in virginity and faithfulness and the sanctity of marriage in a church.
This wedding I believe in passion and fluid bonding and the church is no longer part of my life...

The first wedding I believed was like a fairy tale... they'd kiss and live happily ever after.
But from this many years, I see the reality.

This wedding...too soon to know.  However, they've got a better start- they're older, have an established relationship, they even look happy... Maybe...

At the time of the first wedding, I was living in Bloomington, Indiana, assistant managing the Howard Johnson's Restaurant.  I was "shacked up" with my fiancĂ©... and couldn't tell anyone where I lived.  It was quite the scandal.

Now I'm living in Brooksville, FL, and have credentials, and manage a small department in a medium organization. I live by myself... and enjoy the quiet. Although my relationship with a couple could be scandalous to some people.  I haven't mentioned it to my mother...

I'm different than I was in 1981....Honestly, I'm not sure my 1981 self would recognize the current me.  I'm older- true.. but I've lost my faith... and that's okay.  I lost my innocence.. in so many ways... and that's okay.

So who will I be in 2041?  Only time will tell.. But this royal wedding was a delightful chance to time travel and reconnect with the old me.  I've come a long way.