Vampires, werecreatures, Anita Blake and small print

I'm trying to work through a book series that she likes (Anita Blake, Vampire Slayer, by Laurell Hamilton)... but my heart isn't in it.  This latest book, is dragging on and on... The sex scenes are well written, but wow... I'm just wanting it to be over.  Part of the problem is that I've tried to read a lot of this... and I have very little time to read.  I just wish a friend would staple the sex scene pages and I'd just read the detective story.

I'm not sure if I'm going to read the next book.  This last one was annoyingly long, with tiny print... (732 pages)  Maybe my eyes are weak enough that I need the large print edition.  --I"ve got the pad... so I could get the book and make the font any size I want.  I still may do that... The earlier books are trilogies when electronic.

Downside of Poly

Currently, I'm overwhelmed.  Work is stressful, my health is faltering, and suddenly I miss those 'lost weekends'- when I could curl up with a book, and ignore the world.  When people are ALWAYS around, it is impossible to enjoy any alone time.  Recently I realized that my only time alone is in the car on my way to work.  I talk to the steering wheel too much.  I know I'm getting stressed.

My girlfriend is insisting I sort through the boxes in the garage... Papers that I don't want to deal with... My father's papers, my sister's papers... lots of loss.. lots of emotions.. lots that I would rather leave in boxes in the garage.

I downsized in 2008 before I moved to Florida... So I don't feel compelled to change any of these boxes.  Meanwhile, being helpful, my partner is insisting that I buy plastic tubs to store this stuff.. I've left the house twice today.  I miss the down time.  I had to get out.  I felt incredibly annoyed that I couldn't just be left alone.    I have to be entertaining her, cleaning the garage because she's decided it needs to be done.

I'm going to let her know that all my stuff stays.  I'll need to cover some boxes.... that's what's really bothering her... they are not stacked efficiently.    This is my house... and my very first garage (I'm 51 years old.. my first garage.... )  We're not talking about a huge number of boxes... less than 20.  I"m getting criticized about being overly emotional.. and being too tied into celebrity lives... I'm just tired of justifying myself.  I should be allowed to like something... whether others do or not.  I'm just really frustrated with everything right now.

We were watching Glee... the Michael Jackson episode... she doesn't understand how I feel about MJ.  It's complicated.... I remember watching him grow up.. with me... we were only a few months apart in age.  I watched the trials.. watched the crazy surgeries... the divorces, the kids.. the music over the years.  My stepsister (who is about 10 years younger than I) thought she had discovered him during the 80's.  And I related to Glee far too much... Watching the kids get acceptance letters... I didn't get to go to college when I graduated from HS.  No one bothered to fill out the Financial Aid Form until my sister wanted to go to college a year later.  Many regrets, many resentments, many young love mistakes...

I'm not communicating well.. I know that.  But everything has been at critical mass for about 4 weeks.  I'm just exhausted.  (not being able to take a vacation at work is part of the problem...)

Breathe in, breathe out.  It's Sunday night.. so much to do this week.

Some Days are tougher than others. Some days are tougher FOR others..

Today I'm off work.  I needed to burn up some time off, or lose it.  This vacation day has been planned for several months...

So much is going on... A co-worker is in the hospital... the third or fourth time this year.  My daughter is flying back home, and my mother is having a radical bilateral mastectomy.  All today.  None of this is about me.... yet I'm feeling it.

I got up and made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup.. I'm getting ready to knit a boob for my mother.   Tit Bits Pattern The year is ending... and I'm ready for a new year...

Recently I was talking with a friend, and this year her word was patience... so she was looking for a new word.  She chose joy... because the past year was so... heavy... She was off work for 4 months due to brain surgery...

After thinking about words and what I want from 2012... My word is going to be "Strong" or "Strength."  I need to work my body, my mind and my attitude to gain strength.  This past year the word was "Love." ...of all kinds... physical, emotional... gentle and rough... It was a glorious year of emotional healing.

As I sit today, typing, I can glance across the room and see my two lovers... on other laptops.. clicking away... He glances up and smiles at me.. and I feel loved.  She's curled in a fluffy white blanket... contrasting well with her dark hair and rosy cheeks.  I love my life and am grateful for the changes in the past two years...

So the coming year will be claimed for strength.. encouraging me to get stronger.. That strength will be born from days like this... when surgery, hospitalizations, and chaos create a need for a stronger person.

Fantastic weekend, new friends, and new interests

I spent the weekend with new friends at a convention. I know a little, but not much about the convention's topic. So I was able to learn a lot.. and meet some really fantastic and talented people.

Overall, it was a fun weekend... great conversations.. Now I've got a list of 45 items to Google.  I'll be busy this week.

I realized how much I changed as I sat in the room.  I don't need to hide who I am any longer... I can be open and honest with my new friends.  So try something new... chat with new friends, and be open to strangers... it's a great way to learn more about yourself.... at least, that's what I did this weekend.

On a side note, I'm getting new roommates.  Time to grow again...

New Relationship Energy (NRE) comments

I stunned my boyfriend by recently saying the NRE (New Relationship Energy) is wearing off.. He seemed surprised that I was happy with the decrease in NRE.

I like it-- too much.  I can see how people keep wanting more and more.  The NRE made me giddy, and a bit careless.  I was forgetting items on my shopping list, and forgetting to buy groceries completely.  At work, I'd get lost in daydreams about my lovers.  I felt bullet proof... I could accomplish anything, and was lost in my own life.

I don't remember the NRE the last time.. it was over 20 years ago.  This is a new feeling, and quite shocking to me.. So I'm glad it has died into a warm bed of embers.  With NRE, I didn't see any flaws in my lovers.  Recently I've seen the flaws... and still love them.

So I'm glad to get my responsible, adult life back.  The sexual energy remains, and regenerates me.  The NRE is not a major distraction.  I still tingle when we touch, I still smile when I think of my couple.  But I'm glad the responsible, logical functions are back online. I'm looking forward to the growth of ORE... you know, Old Relationship Energy.

How to have a great day at work.

Lately I've been thinking about what makes a good day at work.  I enjoy work, and generally enjoy my co-workers.  Today one co-worker was singing along with the radio... she was happy, and it seemed the day went faster because of her joy.

Another co-worker was grumbling... Her day went slowly.  Dragged along.  When she finally went home, she was run-down and cranky.  She actually complained about the happiness of our co-worker.

So I stay busy, pause for lunch, and then plow through the day.  A bit of exercise helps the day fly by also.  Meetings seem to slow down the days. Fortunately, someone is on vacation, so there is plenty of work.

I'm fortunate to have a variety of tasks, and I can plan the day myself.  Frequently I am interrupted for special meetings, tasks... but that just makes the day flow well...

I suppose if I could knit at work, it would go faster... but that wouldn't be work.

Who I was; Who I am...

When watching the royal wedding Friday, I was struck by the differences between that wedding and the one decades before of the groom's parents.

The first wedding I watched on TV, and I was planning my own wedding the following December.
This wedding I watched on my computer, and I'm dating a married couple.

The first wedding I believed in virginity and faithfulness and the sanctity of marriage in a church.

This wedding I believe in passion and fluid bonding and the church is no longer part of my life...

The first wedding I believed was like a fairy tale... they'd kiss and live happily ever after.
But from this many years, I see the reality.

This wedding...too soon to know.  However, they've got a better start- they're older, have an established relationship, they even look happy... Maybe...

At the time of the first wedding, I was living in Bloomington, Indiana, assistant managing the Howard Johnson's Restaurant.  I was "shacked up" with my fiancé... and couldn't tell anyone where I lived.  It was quite the scandal.

Now I'm living in Brooksville, FL, and have credentials, and manage a small department in a medium organization. I live by myself... and enjoy the quiet. Although my relationship with a couple could be scandalous to some people.  I haven't mentioned it to my mother...

I'm different than I was in 1981....Honestly, I'm not sure my 1981 self would recognize the current me.  I'm older- true.. but I've lost my faith... and that's okay.  I lost my innocence.. in so many ways... and that's okay.

So who will I be in 2041?  Only time will tell.. But this royal wedding was a delightful chance to time travel and reconnect with the old me.  I've come a long way.