Serious questions... no good answers.

Why are you here?  
Why do you want to be involved with us at this time?  
What are your intentions?  
Are you going to hurt us?

I've been asked these questions.  My mind has rolled through answers, discussion, philosophy.  And I don't have answers to any of them.

Okay, I have an answer to the last question.  Yes... I am statistically likely to hurt you.  The odds of "happily ever after" are so darn slim... I can guarantee someone's heart will be broken.  But I'd like to enjoy the next 6 days, 6 months, 6 years... or 60 years before that happens.  Are you willing to enjoy the pleasure, knowing that ultimately there will be pain?

My last long term relationship fizzled out.  He stopped touching me, I stopped asking to be touched.. We drifted apart.  I took too long to realize it was over.  I took too long to start looking.  And that's a pattern.  I tend to stay emotionally involved, long after my partner has checked out.  Does this change with poly?  With communication being better... at least I'll KNOW the relationship is over.

What are my intentions?
I want to explore, do things I've never done, build a relationship, learn to trust again.  And those are both selfish and non-selfish.  What are my plans for the relationship?  I don't know.  I don't think planning works for relationships... at least not where I am.  Once upon a time, it worked for me.... I planned the white wedding, and the house with a picket fence.  I'd be the computer programmer at a small Christian College, while my husband was Director of Food Services.  Maybe in time, plans will seem appropriate.  Now I just want to explore the NRE.

Why do you want to be involved with us at this time?  

It would be easier if I scheduled love-- maybe like an appointment.  With a place, person and date/time safely noted in my planner..  So I could arrive properly briefed and prepared.  There's never a good time to fall in "like."  There's never a bad time to fall in "like."  And I'm still not ready to say love. 

Why are you here?  

Why not?

See- answers, but not good ones.  These questions deserve better answers.  So I'm working on better answers... for myself... for others.  

Baggage

Baggage... what does it mean to you?

Jul. 1, 2010

After reading quite a few complaints about others on dating websites, I realized that Baggage means different things to different people.  More bluntly, my baggage is always small (carryon, maybe a backpack) and other's baggage is large (a steamer trunk, or matching Louis Vuitton bags in various sizes from extremely large to medium size.)

I'm 50.  A nice round number.  By this age, everyone has some baggage.  A bad marriage, children, bankruptcy, career mis-steps, addictions, jail terms, Something.  Heck, at this age, if someone has NOT been married, they require an explanation. 

So what should be disclosed up front?  There isn't a comprehensive list.  What I consider shocking, another person might consider tame, and vice versa.  You like to be spanked? Yawn.  You dated a registered Sex Offender?  Whoa... there's a deal breaker... your judgement must be questionable. 

So I'm thinking about baggage today... Wondering what interesting items will be in the baggage of my future friends.  What aches and pains made them the special person that I love.  How they became who they are... Hoping that my baggage has cleared security, so I can clutch it, when I meet the next few friends.

One person's handbag, is another's steamer trunk.