Would you rather be right or happy?

Would you rather be right or happy?

This question was posed to me during couples counseling.  Years later I found out that my partner decided to leave me during that session.  Basically, he wanted to be right, and decided he could be right AND happy, if I wasn't around.

I hope that worked for him.  Communication is important.  I think I know what you want, and what I've said... but it is misheard.  I tell lovers to assume that I intend things to sound kind, and gentle.  But sometimes that doesn't happen.

Or worse, I'm trying to be gentle, and the message is lost completely.

Would you rather be right or happy?  I'd rather be happy.  I compromised in that relationship... Did dishes his way, ran on his schedule, fixed him dinner.. but ultimately, his impression was that I always got my way.  I needed that relationship to become who I am today.  I don't regret it.  But wish I had learned faster.

Recent FB thoughts...

Recently on Facebook, I've been annoyed at some friends' posts.  Here are my basic problems:

1. I dislike vicious political posts.  The name calling, the rudeness, seem un-helpful.
2. I'm not religious, and find the posts grating.
3. I've reached a place where I don't need the annoyance of every random thought that pops into someone's head.


Mostly my annoyance is with friends who are disabled, long term unemployed, who are voicing Conservative viewpoints (reduce taxes for the rich, decrease food stamps, increase outrage over the current president.)  It would make sense if they were employed, and making 6 figure salaries...  Because they are unemployed, they have a great deal of time to watch Fox News, get riled up about... whatever the current outrage is.

So I've unfriended them.  It seems strange.  I was so excited when I found them on FB, and now.  Well, I hope they live long and prosper.  And hopefully find some perspective.

Changes....

My world explodes in the next month.  I'm leaving my toxic dysfunctional job for a new job.  My roommate is moving out.... finally.  I've got my kitchen back.  I've got my garage back.

So I was handed a printed e-mail, and asked to distribute it.

My new administrator is old fashioned.  He doesn't understand how e-mail works.

Yesterday he handed me a printed e-mail which he had received, and asked me to copy and distribute to a group of employees before handing it (again) at a meeting later this month.

Wow.  I forget how old school someone can be with technology.

So while you were insisting you were right...

I'm going back and editing some random rants.  I tend to write to process my feelings when I'm hurt.  Otherwise I tend to yell and scream... which I know is the wrong way to treat the people I love.  This was written last year...  So It's no longer painful to the people involved.


So while you were insisting you were right and pounding me into the ground- to prove that I am wrong.  Even though you didn't listen to the question OR the answer...

So while you were doing that... I was hurting.  and falling out of love.  You don't want side conversations... unless you are involved.  You change the plans... You break agreements.

Do you realize that you just hurt this relationship?  Do you realize how much I resent being grilled in public?  Do you realize how inappropriate you are in public places?  Do you realize how loud you are?  How the people you talk about can hear you?

I just walk away.  and now I can't.  You've trapped me.  I can forgive... but this is happening too often now.  I can't  stand this.

This could be repaired.. .but you won't stop.. because you are right.. Always right.  So you won't change.  And suddenly I understand your previous relationship that ended when someone stopped talking to you.  Why bother talking to someone who is always right, and refuses to listen.

You are the center of the world.  You should get your way all the time.  Maybe you don't realize the people you've alienated.

What now?

My bedroom is a reflection of my personal life:  Dirty clothes scattered on the floor; a half unpacked suitcase; a pile of promising books; and dusty sex furniture.  As a friend recently asked," What happened to my life?"

It was going well, then I looked up and it was a shambles.  It seemed to happen overnight.  -- but that's not what happened.   I let a few little things slide, then a few more.  Until finally, my personal life and my bedroom were too cluttered for comfort. I need to take the time and clean up the mess.  Then I need to change my process, to prevent this in the future.

In the midst of major personal events, I realized I miss the physical connection.  To be blunt, I miss orgasms.  I miss the BDSM.  Feeling the kiss of the whip.  I miss the bounce in my step when I've had a good evening. I miss the endorphin rush.  It is like a drug.. suddenly everything seems better.. the world is brighter, the people are more tolerable.

So it is time to clean up, get back into good habits. Clean up the bedroom.. then fill the bed.

It doesn't matter what I mean, it matters what you want me to say.

Long miserable week..Seemed like everything I said was the wrong thing.  Friday I was sick, slept all day, waking long enough to read a few pages of Friday (by Heinlein)...then slept all night... Today I feel better, but still have a sore throat.  Okay, I'm just feeling whiny.

At work, a war has been going on.  I supervise a small (3 employees + me) department.  One employee has declared another her "enemy," because she "stabbed her in the back."  Okay, the Hawk/ Bully isn't telling what was done that was stabbing her in the back.. Frankly, I think she's inflating the language... a lot.  Seriously, this is office work.. shouldn't be that big a deal.

I wrote the above over a year ago.  So much changed.  The Hawk/Bully.... was diabetic... with high blood pressure, and ultimately had several TIAs (trans-ischemic attacks.... mini strokes).  That apparently is part of the change in personality, the tendency to be violent/rude/bullying.  Ultimately, she had a major stroke, and was unable to return to work.

The lessons... take care of yourself... no one else will.  Also, when you've got co-workers/employees who are becoming..... weird.... look at the physical first, then psychiatric issues.

The original title is appropriate.  Too many times people hear what they want to hear.  With Poly, (and knitting), check your work.  Verify that you've heard what you've heard.  Too many times we assume we know what someone wants.

Recently I was reminded that I need some quiet in my life.  I work in a fast paced office.... constant interactions with people wanting a variety of items/data, etc.  I need some quiet time to regroup.  My paramours know this. But fail to understand.  So scheduling a big party isn't my thing.. I prefer alone, or just a few people..