My world explodes in the next month. I'm leaving my toxic dysfunctional job for a new job. My roommate is moving out.... finally. I've got my kitchen back. I've got my garage back.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
So I was handed a printed e-mail, and asked to distribute it.
My new administrator is old fashioned. He doesn't understand how e-mail works.
Yesterday he handed me a printed e-mail which he had received, and asked me to copy and distribute to a group of employees before handing it (again) at a meeting later this month.
Wow. I forget how old school someone can be with technology.
Yesterday he handed me a printed e-mail which he had received, and asked me to copy and distribute to a group of employees before handing it (again) at a meeting later this month.
Wow. I forget how old school someone can be with technology.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
So while you were insisting you were right...
I'm going back and editing some random rants. I tend to write to process my feelings when I'm hurt. Otherwise I tend to yell and scream... which I know is the wrong way to treat the people I love. This was written last year... So It's no longer painful to the people involved.
So while you were insisting you were right and pounding me into the ground- to prove that I am wrong. Even though you didn't listen to the question OR the answer...
So while you were doing that... I was hurting. and falling out of love. You don't want side conversations... unless you are involved. You change the plans... You break agreements.
Do you realize that you just hurt this relationship? Do you realize how much I resent being grilled in public? Do you realize how inappropriate you are in public places? Do you realize how loud you are? How the people you talk about can hear you?
I just walk away. and now I can't. You've trapped me. I can forgive... but this is happening too often now. I can't stand this.
This could be repaired.. .but you won't stop.. because you are right.. Always right. So you won't change. And suddenly I understand your previous relationship that ended when someone stopped talking to you. Why bother talking to someone who is always right, and refuses to listen.
You are the center of the world. You should get your way all the time. Maybe you don't realize the people you've alienated.
So while you were insisting you were right and pounding me into the ground- to prove that I am wrong. Even though you didn't listen to the question OR the answer...
So while you were doing that... I was hurting. and falling out of love. You don't want side conversations... unless you are involved. You change the plans... You break agreements.
Do you realize that you just hurt this relationship? Do you realize how much I resent being grilled in public? Do you realize how inappropriate you are in public places? Do you realize how loud you are? How the people you talk about can hear you?
I just walk away. and now I can't. You've trapped me. I can forgive... but this is happening too often now. I can't stand this.
This could be repaired.. .but you won't stop.. because you are right.. Always right. So you won't change. And suddenly I understand your previous relationship that ended when someone stopped talking to you. Why bother talking to someone who is always right, and refuses to listen.
You are the center of the world. You should get your way all the time. Maybe you don't realize the people you've alienated.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
What now?
My bedroom is a reflection of my personal life: Dirty clothes scattered on the floor; a half unpacked suitcase; a pile of promising books; and dusty sex furniture. As a friend recently asked," What happened to my life?"
It was going well, then I looked up and it was a shambles. It seemed to happen overnight. -- but that's not what happened. I let a few little things slide, then a few more. Until finally, my personal life and my bedroom were too cluttered for comfort. I need to take the time and clean up the mess. Then I need to change my process, to prevent this in the future.
In the midst of major personal events, I realized I miss the physical connection. To be blunt, I miss orgasms. I miss the BDSM. Feeling the kiss of the whip. I miss the bounce in my step when I've had a good evening. I miss the endorphin rush. It is like a drug.. suddenly everything seems better.. the world is brighter, the people are more tolerable.
So it is time to clean up, get back into good habits. Clean up the bedroom.. then fill the bed.
It was going well, then I looked up and it was a shambles. It seemed to happen overnight. -- but that's not what happened. I let a few little things slide, then a few more. Until finally, my personal life and my bedroom were too cluttered for comfort. I need to take the time and clean up the mess. Then I need to change my process, to prevent this in the future.
In the midst of major personal events, I realized I miss the physical connection. To be blunt, I miss orgasms. I miss the BDSM. Feeling the kiss of the whip. I miss the bounce in my step when I've had a good evening. I miss the endorphin rush. It is like a drug.. suddenly everything seems better.. the world is brighter, the people are more tolerable.
So it is time to clean up, get back into good habits. Clean up the bedroom.. then fill the bed.
Monday, March 11, 2013
It doesn't matter what I mean, it matters what you want me to say.
Long miserable week..Seemed like everything I said was the wrong thing. Friday I was sick, slept all day, waking long enough to read a few pages of Friday (by Heinlein)...then slept all night... Today I feel better, but still have a sore throat. Okay, I'm just feeling whiny.
At work, a war has been going on. I supervise a small (3 employees + me) department. One employee has declared another her "enemy," because she "stabbed her in the back." Okay, the Hawk/ Bully isn't telling what was done that was stabbing her in the back.. Frankly, I think she's inflating the language... a lot. Seriously, this is office work.. shouldn't be that big a deal.
I wrote the above over a year ago. So much changed. The Hawk/Bully.... was diabetic... with high blood pressure, and ultimately had several TIAs (trans-ischemic attacks.... mini strokes). That apparently is part of the change in personality, the tendency to be violent/rude/bullying. Ultimately, she had a major stroke, and was unable to return to work.
The lessons... take care of yourself... no one else will. Also, when you've got co-workers/employees who are becoming..... weird.... look at the physical first, then psychiatric issues.
The original title is appropriate. Too many times people hear what they want to hear. With Poly, (and knitting), check your work. Verify that you've heard what you've heard. Too many times we assume we know what someone wants.
Recently I was reminded that I need some quiet in my life. I work in a fast paced office.... constant interactions with people wanting a variety of items/data, etc. I need some quiet time to regroup. My paramours know this. But fail to understand. So scheduling a big party isn't my thing.. I prefer alone, or just a few people..
At work, a war has been going on. I supervise a small (3 employees + me) department. One employee has declared another her "enemy," because she "stabbed her in the back." Okay, the Hawk/ Bully isn't telling what was done that was stabbing her in the back.. Frankly, I think she's inflating the language... a lot. Seriously, this is office work.. shouldn't be that big a deal.
I wrote the above over a year ago. So much changed. The Hawk/Bully.... was diabetic... with high blood pressure, and ultimately had several TIAs (trans-ischemic attacks.... mini strokes). That apparently is part of the change in personality, the tendency to be violent/rude/bullying. Ultimately, she had a major stroke, and was unable to return to work.
The lessons... take care of yourself... no one else will. Also, when you've got co-workers/employees who are becoming..... weird.... look at the physical first, then psychiatric issues.
The original title is appropriate. Too many times people hear what they want to hear. With Poly, (and knitting), check your work. Verify that you've heard what you've heard. Too many times we assume we know what someone wants.
Recently I was reminded that I need some quiet in my life. I work in a fast paced office.... constant interactions with people wanting a variety of items/data, etc. I need some quiet time to regroup. My paramours know this. But fail to understand. So scheduling a big party isn't my thing.. I prefer alone, or just a few people..
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013 status
January, 2013
Recently someone on a dating site asked what I wanted. Here's the response I wrote, then deleted all but the first three paragraphs. It still sounds like I'll date anyone--Recently I had a bad experience. I'm still analyzing what went wrong It seemed like a simple meeting.. and suddenly he was bragging about his gun, the NRA and judging my beliefs to be "asinine." Seriously? This is the way to impress a woman? Pound her into the ground with Republican politics... then tell call her a "Liberal"-- like it is an insult.
Fifteen minutes. He was only here for 15 minutes. Insulted my house, my beliefs and was asked to leave. I dated a troll.. and online troll.. for 15 years. I tell when someone just wants to start a fight. I should have asked him more questions. I don't like guns. I don't own one.. Don't like hearing people talk about them. Actually had a friend who insisted that he could change that belief. I don't like them. Why can't the gun fans just leave me alone? But no, this is when they need to "educate me."
Yet when I post this I seem intolerant. My usual example was shot down by a friend. Usually, I say I don't force you to knit, why are you forcing me to listen to your hobby... which honestly scares me.
"I do best with intelligent, open minded people.
"Age and looks don't matter. Personality and (the ever popular) sense of humor is important. Generally, I'm a happy person, but the loss of my couple, and chaos at work have worn me down. I'm looking for that endorphin rush that comes with some physical touch. I remember how glorious it feels-quite like a drug.
"Ah, and there's the rub. I'm a recovering alcoholic (since 1983), and don't do drugs (okay, a mild diuretic for my high blood pressure). And here in Florida, it seems that sooo many people are caught in that trap.
"My life is complicated. I've made time for a couple coffee dates.
"I don't have time for a relationship, but I miss being touched. Or I need a work out buddy... so I can get stronger to deal with the whole dating scene.
"Complicated, conflicted, tying up loose ends. Last year, everything changed, and now I just want to create some new energy, and beginnings. "
So far, this year has proved to be less than pleasant. A bout of food poisoning, and the loss of a valued co-worker. I've recovered; she's moved to greener pastures. We'll see what the future holds.
Recently someone on a dating site asked what I wanted. Here's the response I wrote, then deleted all but the first three paragraphs. It still sounds like I'll date anyone--Recently I had a bad experience. I'm still analyzing what went wrong It seemed like a simple meeting.. and suddenly he was bragging about his gun, the NRA and judging my beliefs to be "asinine." Seriously? This is the way to impress a woman? Pound her into the ground with Republican politics... then tell call her a "Liberal"-- like it is an insult.
Fifteen minutes. He was only here for 15 minutes. Insulted my house, my beliefs and was asked to leave. I dated a troll.. and online troll.. for 15 years. I tell when someone just wants to start a fight. I should have asked him more questions. I don't like guns. I don't own one.. Don't like hearing people talk about them. Actually had a friend who insisted that he could change that belief. I don't like them. Why can't the gun fans just leave me alone? But no, this is when they need to "educate me."
Yet when I post this I seem intolerant. My usual example was shot down by a friend. Usually, I say I don't force you to knit, why are you forcing me to listen to your hobby... which honestly scares me.
"I do best with intelligent, open minded people.
"Age and looks don't matter. Personality and (the ever popular) sense of humor is important. Generally, I'm a happy person, but the loss of my couple, and chaos at work have worn me down. I'm looking for that endorphin rush that comes with some physical touch. I remember how glorious it feels-quite like a drug.
"Ah, and there's the rub. I'm a recovering alcoholic (since 1983), and don't do drugs (okay, a mild diuretic for my high blood pressure). And here in Florida, it seems that sooo many people are caught in that trap.
"My life is complicated. I've made time for a couple coffee dates.
"I don't have time for a relationship, but I miss being touched. Or I need a work out buddy... so I can get stronger to deal with the whole dating scene.
"Complicated, conflicted, tying up loose ends. Last year, everything changed, and now I just want to create some new energy, and beginnings. "
So far, this year has proved to be less than pleasant. A bout of food poisoning, and the loss of a valued co-worker. I've recovered; she's moved to greener pastures. We'll see what the future holds.
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