Lately I've been hearing both sides of various arguments. And some seem like the verbal equivalent of grade inflation .... Small annoyances or comments blown into huge issues.
"She stabbed me in the back..." "That dress was hideous..."
Most are said about rather mundane things.. but the words are filled with emotion. I'm especially amused/annoyed when the person assures me that their nemesis... has "literally" stabbed them in the back. Really? How many stitches did the wound take?
I've been in the middle of "she said/he said" or more accurately (but less clearly) "she said/she said." I get the perspective of two people... about the same event. There are many common themes...
"I was completely calm and reasonable, while she was yelling and throwing things." I've heard this from both sides of an argument. Both claim they were acting like adults, and reasonable... while the other person was childish, irrational, and loud. I wish I had a recorder. Even individual comments are viewed differently. One person made a statement of fact; The other heard a judgmental diatribe. One person requested time to talk; The other called her a liar. Everyone needs to be heard. But we also need to listen.
Often it is just inflection and interpretation... That person is mean to me... therefore... And anything that is said is wrong. "Oh, you're wearing a blue shirt" becomes "She's judging me. how dare she!"
Another theme...only the other person was rude. We all seem to think we are doing the right thing...or were justified in our actions.....All that righteous indignation has been exhausting lately...Many of us have bad habits.. rude habits. I catch myself interrupting ... more than I admit.
How does this tie to poly? Well, we need to be friendly to our friends... and love our lovers. It is easy to slide into bad verbal habits- Which reflect our bad mental habits. Assume the best about our friends/lovers/co-workers. They mean well. They are not out to stab you in the back... either literally or figuratively.
What another says or thinks cannot hurt you as much as the festering resentment that you keep. So stay healthy mentally. Use the Teflon coating for your skin... and keep the lines of communication open. Take it down a notch... Allow little problems to be stay little. And if necessary ask, "Gee that hurt. Did you mean to sound so sarcastic?" Many don't realize how cutting and hurtful these little atomic bomb comments are.
