My writings... and how I've found a new life-- not in the ashes of the old life-- but in eyes and hearts of new friends, new lovers and new places.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

What now?

My bedroom is a reflection of my personal life:  Dirty clothes scattered on the floor; a half unpacked suitcase; a pile of promising books; and dusty sex furniture.  As a friend recently asked," What happened to my life?"

It was going well, then I looked up and it was a shambles.  It seemed to happen overnight.  -- but that's not what happened.   I let a few little things slide, then a few more.  Until finally, my personal life and my bedroom were too cluttered for comfort. I need to take the time and clean up the mess.  Then I need to change my process, to prevent this in the future.

In the midst of major personal events, I realized I miss the physical connection.  To be blunt, I miss orgasms.  I miss the BDSM.  Feeling the kiss of the whip.  I miss the bounce in my step when I've had a good evening. I miss the endorphin rush.  It is like a drug.. suddenly everything seems better.. the world is brighter, the people are more tolerable.

So it is time to clean up, get back into good habits. Clean up the bedroom.. then fill the bed.

Monday, March 11, 2013

It doesn't matter what I mean, it matters what you want me to say.

Long miserable week..Seemed like everything I said was the wrong thing.  Friday I was sick, slept all day, waking long enough to read a few pages of Friday (by Heinlein)...then slept all night... Today I feel better, but still have a sore throat.  Okay, I'm just feeling whiny.

At work, a war has been going on.  I supervise a small (3 employees + me) department.  One employee has declared another her "enemy," because she "stabbed her in the back."  Okay, the Hawk/ Bully isn't telling what was done that was stabbing her in the back.. Frankly, I think she's inflating the language... a lot.  Seriously, this is office work.. shouldn't be that big a deal.

I wrote the above over a year ago.  So much changed.  The Hawk/Bully.... was diabetic... with high blood pressure, and ultimately had several TIAs (trans-ischemic attacks.... mini strokes).  That apparently is part of the change in personality, the tendency to be violent/rude/bullying.  Ultimately, she had a major stroke, and was unable to return to work.

The lessons... take care of yourself... no one else will.  Also, when you've got co-workers/employees who are becoming..... weird.... look at the physical first, then psychiatric issues.

The original title is appropriate.  Too many times people hear what they want to hear.  With Poly, (and knitting), check your work.  Verify that you've heard what you've heard.  Too many times we assume we know what someone wants.

Recently I was reminded that I need some quiet in my life.  I work in a fast paced office.... constant interactions with people wanting a variety of items/data, etc.  I need some quiet time to regroup.  My paramours know this. But fail to understand.  So scheduling a big party isn't my thing.. I prefer alone, or just a few people..